A priest, Baptist minister & a rabbi were having lunch when the priest & minister started talking about fishing. “you know, said the rabbi, I should take up fishing. Well, said the priest, come with us. We’re going this afternoon.” They’re out in the boat fishing when suddenly the priest steps out of the boat & walks a few yards away & begins fishing. The rabbi is dumbfounded seeing the priest walk on water. A while later the minister joins the priest.The rabbi is shocked. Finally he thinks, “my faith is as strong as theirs. If they can walk on water so can I. He steps out of the boat & almost drowns. He struggles back in the boat. Soon, he tries again with the same result. The priest looks over at the minister & says, ” ya think we should tell that stupid son of a bitch where the rocks are’?
Author: admin
Potential vs. Reality
A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He
asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference
between potential and reality?”
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll display
it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back
and tell me what you’ve learned.”
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out
what his father means. He asks his mother, “Mom, if someone gave
you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?” His
mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her
face says, “Don’t tell your father, but, yes, I would.”
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, “Sis, if someone
gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?” His
sister looks up and says, “Omigod! Definitely!”
The kid goes back to his father and says, “Dad, I think I’ve
figured it out. Potentially, we’re sitting on two million bucks,
but in reality, we’re living with a couple of sluts.”
Final Words
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife’s side. ”Sleep now, its all right,” he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, ”Honey, I really need to tell you something.” Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.
”Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father.”
”Don’t worry about it,” Jake said, ”I allready know. Why do you think I poisoned you?”
Commitment Definition
Having spent half the night discussing involvement vs. commitment (one of my favorite topics when I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine and am feeling particularly cranky) with my boyfriend, I was quite amused to see the following saying pop up when I logged in the next morning:
Commitment, n.:
Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
The Flintstone’s Bodies
Fred and Wilma are taking a shower together for the first time. Fred
starts crying. Wilma says, “What’s wrong, Fred?” Fred says, “I dropped the
soap!” Wilma says, “That’s OK, you can bend down and get it.” Fred bends
down and says, “Ooohhh, what’s this??” Wilma said, “Oh, that’s my rock.”
Wilma starts crying. Fred says, “What’s wrong?” Wilma dropped the soap.
Fred says, “You can bend down and get it.” Wilma gets the soap and says,
“Ooohh, what’s this?” Fred says, “Oh,that’s my rock.” Wilma says, “Fred, I
have a good idea. Let’s bump rocks and make Pebbles!!”
Question and answer Christmas joke
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer “Olive” ?A: Yeah, you know, “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names”
Sports Fishing
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He
could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned
craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,
“Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “They ain’t been around for years!”
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About
halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin,'” the beachcomber said.
“Wow,” said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, “The sharks got ’em.”
Mopeds
What do fat women and mopeds have in common?They’re both fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to see either one.
Animal Noises
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year-old daughter.The mother said, “What does the cow say?”The child answered, “Moo!”The mother then said, “Great! What does the cat say?”The child replied, “Meow.”The mother exclaimed, “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”The wide-eyed little 3-year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”
How do you fit four
How do you fit four gays on a barstool?
Turn it over.
Llega un hijo reciente de
Llega un hijo reciente de Lucifer al infierno, y arriba a la sala de castigo, y se encuentra que hay dos tipos de castigo, la multinacional y la mexicana.
Se acerca a la primera y pregunta cual es el castigo que aplican en ese lugar y obtiene como respuesta, que primero lo sientan en una silla el�ctrica, luego lo acuestan en una cama de clavos y al final del d�a le aplicaran cien latigazos en la espalda.
Espantado corre a la ventanilla, del infierno mexicano, donde observa una cola de espera muy larga, y le pregunta al ultimo de la fila, que cual es el castigo que aplican en el infierno tricolor. El cuestionado le dijo que los mismos que en la otra sala, con la diferencia de que en el asadero mexicano, nunca hay luz, la silla el�ctrica no sirve, los clavos de la cama se los robaron y el diablo azotador viene, firma y se va.
clue-by-four
A large, heavy, blunt object used to forcibly inject
clues into those who have proven otherwise clue-resistant.
Sometimes this is done by inducing unconsciousness, thereby raising the
clue level in a subject who was formerly negatively clued.