Author: admin

Politically Correct

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“POLITICALLY CORRECT TERMS”
Dirty Old Man: Sexually focused chronologically gifted individual.

Perverted: Sexually dysfunctional.

Serial Killer: Person with difficult-to-meet needs.

Lazy: Motivationally deficient.

Fat: Horizontally challenged.

Fail: Achieve a deficiency.

Dishonest: Ethically disoriented.

Bald: Follicularly challenged.

Clumsy: Uniquely coordinated.

Body Odor: Nondiscretionary fragrance.

Alive: Temporarily metabolically abled.

Worst: Least best.

Wrong: Differently logical.

Ugly: Cosmetically different.

Unemployed: Involuntarily leisured.

Short: Vertically challenged.

Dead: Living impaired.

Vagrant: Nonspecifically destinationed individual.

Spendthrift: Negative saver.

Drunk: Chemically inconvenienced.

Pregnant: Parasitically oppressed.

Ignorant: Knowledge-based non-possessor.

That’ll Do It

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Suzie went to her psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions, but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems.

Finally he asked, ?Do you ever watch your husband?s face while you?re having sex??

?Well, yes, I did once.?

?Well, how did he look??

?Very angry.?

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, ?Well Suzie, that?s very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband?s face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual; how did it occur that you saw his face that time??

?He was looking through the window at us.?

Signs you’ve had too much of the 90’s

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Your “to do” list includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks. They’re the ones that never get crossed off.

You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.

You refer to your dining room table as the “flat filing cabinet.”

You’re paying $50 a month for 50 TV channels, but watching less TV than ever.

You get all excited when it’s a weekend and you can wear sweats to work.

All you want for Christmas is … a cell phone battery that lasts all day.

A “half day” at work means leaving at 5 p.m.

Your dream Saturday night is a bath, a bathrobe, a good book and lights out by 10 p.m.

You either eat out of vending machines … or at the most expensive restaurant in town.

You dream of a week’s holiday … to clean and organize your desk.

Can you imagine working for this organization?

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It has less than 550 employees with the following statistics:
� 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
� 7 have been arrested for fraud
� 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
� 117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
� 3 have been arrested for assault
� 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
� 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
� 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
� 21 are current defendants in lawsuits
� In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up?
It’s the 535 members of The United States Congress; the same group that cranks
the laws designed to keep the rest of us in line!!

The secret code word…

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An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday’s sermon he told them, “If one more person confesses to
adultery, I’ll quit!”

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: “fallen.”
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had “fallen.”

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine
for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor.
The priest was quite concerned. “You have to do something about the sidewalks in
this town, Mayor. You can’t believe how many people come into the confessional
talking about having fallen!”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code
word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor
and said –
“I don’t know why you’re laughing; your wife fell three times last week!”

Un t�o llega a un

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Un t�o llega a un bar, echa una mira en redondo y se acerca a una t�a que est� buen�sima. �sta le dice a manera de recibimiento:

“No pierdas el tiempo conmigo, soy lesbiana”.

“�Y eso qu� es?”, pregunta intrigado.

“Es que me gustan las mujeres”.

El t�o, tras meditar un instante, responde:

“�Creo que yo tambi�n soy lesbiano!”