A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon
his return home, his parents asked him what happened.
“You know what a crew boss is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and
watches everyone else work.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” they asked.
“Well, he just got jealous of me,” the young biologist explained. “Everyone
thought I was the crew boss.”
Author: admin
AOL Addition Messages
1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off. 2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let’s show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY? 3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? 4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you’re starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we’ll bring back your buddy list, OK? 5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can’t you just finish up and go read a good book?! 6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names? 7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line? 8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord! 9. You have been on-line for 852 minutes. Do you KNOW how many hours that is?? 10. You have been on-line for 921 minutes. Do you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines? Do you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per day, due to busy phone lines? PLEASE sign-off, to reduce these averages, or go to KEYWORD: Class Action to join a lawsuit. 11. You have been on-line for 967 minutes. When AOL went unlimited, they didn’t think you would take it LITERALLY! So get OFF, before we go broke! 12. You have been on-line for 1013 minutes. This is Steve Case, I need to sign-on myself and answer some mail. Could you PLEASE sign-off? 13. You have been on-line for 1105 minutes. Are you and your family chatting in shifts? GEEZE get off already! 14. You have been on-line 1151 minutes. WELCOME TO THE TEAM… See job application enclosed!
Sure Fire Ways To Know You’re A Woman
1. Whine
2. When asked if something is bothering you, you reply no.
Then get mad when you are believed.
3. Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties,
start dating him and immediately expect him to stop this behavior.
4. Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.
5. Whine.
6. If you are trying to sleep, it’s because you’re exhausted from your
almost super-human level of daily achievement; if he is trying to
sleep, it’s because he is lazy.
7. If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.
8. If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.
9. Demand to be treated as an equal in everything. Except when paying
for meals, plane tickets, concerts, beers, etc. These are required
gifts proving his love.
10. Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle,
tell him you’re irregular from all of the stress of your life.
11. Remember that any woman who so much as looks at your boyfriend
must be labeled a whore and your network of friends must be informed
immediately to spread this as quickly as possible.
12. Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about
doing anything other than catering to your needs.
Steering wheel
So a guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants.
When he walks up to the bar and orders a drink, the bar tender
says:
“Gee that must be a bit annoying mate”
The guy replies: “Yeah, its driving me nutts!”
The three guys
These three guys go to the doctor a mexican boy, white boy, and a black boy, and the mexican has a wooden dick and the white boy has a rubber dick and the black guy has a 6 foot dick the doctor goes to the mexican what happened and he goes when me and my girl friend were havin sex and she goes your giving me a sliver and the the doctor goes to the white boy and says what happened to you and the white boy goes when me and MY girlfriend were having sex she stops and goes stop making your dick move up and down and finally the doctor goes to the black boy and says what happened to you NOW and he says me and my girl friend were having sex and she goes hey we cant have sex 6 feet away from each other ok! we have to have it up close so we can at least kiss and the doctor goes so whats the problem and they all say WE WANT SURGERY ON OUR DICKS NOW! WE WANT NEW DICKS AND THE DOCTOR SAYS OK! AND THE GUYS SAY WHAT MORE CAN WE ASK!
Your mama jokes
your mama is so old that when she fart dust come from her butt crack
Man?
A boy is a man
A man is a king
A king is a ruler
A ruler is 12″
Still think your a man?
Educational program for America�s children
The President is very excited about his new educational program for America�s
children. He plans to teach sex education himself and believes he can solve the
problem of enough meat in the school lunch program at the same time.
Blonde and Dog
A attractive brunette is is driving on a very narrow road in the country when she sees a flock of sheep blocking the middle of the road. She stops the car, gets out, and tries to shoo them out of the way. After nearly fifteen minutes of this, the sheep still show no signs that they intend to leave, so she gets out and goes to the nearby house, knocks on the door, and says to the farmer, “Hey! Get your sheep off the road or I’ll.. I’ll… I’ll sue you. Yeah, that’s it. I’ll sue you!”
After thinking about it for a moment, she continued, “You know what? If you let me have one of the sheep, I won’t sue you.”
“Fine by me,” said the farmer.
The brunette picks up a sheep and then the farmer says, “Look at you, all fancy from the city. You probably carry a fancy cell phone. You probably drink bottled water… Your boobs are probably even fake. In fact, I’ll bet that you don’t even have your original hair color. How’s this – If I guess it right, can I have my sheep back?”
“Fine by me,” said the brunette.
“Blonde,” said the farmer, without hesitation.
The lady was shocked. “Oh my god… You’re right! How did you know?” she asked.
“Because you tried to pick up my dog instead of a sheep.”
Very moment for their call
Q. Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment
for their call. Who are these women?
A. Women working at 900 numbers.
At the circus you’ll find a cunning array of stun
Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
A: At the circus you’ll find a cunning array of stunts.
Some possible computer bumper stickers
1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding2. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.7. Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)8. Backups? We don’ *NEED* no steenking backups.9. E Pluribus Modem10. …. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)11. Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny12. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?13. 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.14. Windows: Just another pane in the glass.15. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .16. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.17. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…18. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key19. ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!20. E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.21. Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.22. “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 198123. Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!24. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…25. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)26. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)27. Hit any user to continue.28. Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.29. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic30. (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?