A 32-bit patch for a 16-bit GUI shell running on top of an 8-bit operating
system written for a 4-bit processor by a 2-bit company who cannot stand 1
bit of competition.
Author: admin
I knew it was true…I knew it!
Well, if there’s any truth to this study at all, then I should live to be 180 minimum! 🙂
From the New England Journal of Medicine:
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women’s breasts is good for a man’s health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out” declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby.
Dr. Weatherby and fellow researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outpatients – half of whom were instructed to look at busty females daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.
The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances of coronary artery disease. “Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation,” explains Dr. Weatherby. “There’s no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier.”
“Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.”
…hmmm – I wonder if PC boobies count?
P.S: I’ve already volunteered myself to science just in case they want to do a “hands on” study of the same type…woo-hoo!
Having a baby.
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.!”
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
Things you’d really like to say at work!
01. I can see your point, but you’re still full of crap.
02. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronouce.
03. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
04. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
05. Ahh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
06. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
07. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
08. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
09. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
10. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
11. This isn’t and office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
13. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
14. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?
15. Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Favourite pizza
What is a dog’s favorite pizza? – PUParonni!!
What monster can jump higher than a house? – All of them, houses can’t jump!
Why don’t fish play tennis? – They’re scared of the net!
What did the monkey say when his master cut his tail off? – “Well, it won’t be
long now”!!
The Boob Poem
For Years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever sqeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And I protected them by law.
I gruaded them very carefully,
And I always wore a bra.
after 30 years of absolute care,
My gyno, Dr, Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram,.
“O.K.”, I said, “let’s do it.”
“Stand up here real close” she said,
“And tell me when it hurts”, she said,
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”
She stepped on a pedal,
I couldn’t believe my eyes,
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter’s in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being sqashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
with in it’s vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
“Take a deep breath”, she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
“There, that’s good”, I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.
Have mercy, I was praying.
It sqeezed me from both up and down.
It sqeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindforls.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a Cyst. in there,
It would have gone “Ker-Pow!”
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!
Touch-typists
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt’n peckers.
The Eight Days of Hanukkah
The Eight Days of Hanukkah
On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me
8 Alka- Seltzer
7 noodle kugels
6 pickled herrings
5 bowls of chicken soup
4 potato latkes
3 pounds of corned beef
2 Kosher pickles and
Lox, bagels and some cream cheese
Settled the Case!
A young attorney, ‘who had taken over his father’s practice’, rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!!” cried his astonished father.
“Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.”
A farmer ordered a high-tech
A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away, so he decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and ”voila”, everything else was automatic!! He really had good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. But when the fun was over, he found that he could not
take the instrument off. He read the manual, but did not find any useful information.
He tried every button on the instrument. Some made the equipment squeeze, shake, or suck harder or less, but none would remove it. Panicking, he called the
supplier’s Customer Service Hotline. The farmer: ”Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It worked fantastic. But how can I take it off from the cow’s udder?” Customer Service: ”Don’t worry. The machine was programmed such that it will release automatically after collecting about 2 liters of milk.”
Help me…I’m hooked!
Is there a 12 step, support group, or such?
For those of us folks who chat on line too much?
If there was a group, I would like it just fine,
Except that it prob’bly would be here online!
Are there therapists here? I think I saw some.
Its got me, its got me, its power is AWESOME!
It’s my new computer, I’ve had it one week,
Now I look in the mirror and I see a real “geek.”
Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs.
Please help me, please help me, please get me offline!
Or better, please Email a burger and fries,
‘Cause I’m staying ONLINE, at least ’til I die!
3 Sick Soldiers…
An army Major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks –
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic syphilis, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir!”
“Good man!” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic piles, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get back to the front lines, Sir!”
“Good man!” says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
“What’s your problem, Soldier?”
“Chronic gum disease, Sir!”
“What treatment are you getting?”
“Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!”
“What’s your ambition?”
“To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two – Sir!”