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Est�n Pepito y una ni�a jugando juntos. Pepito le pregunta a su amiguita con aire de suficiencia:
“�Sabes c�mo se hacen los ni�os?”
“No, no lo s�”.
“Pues, mira, el pap� pone la semillita en la vagina de la mam�”.
“�Y luego?”
“Luego la empuja con el pene”.
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She yells, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200!?!”
Q. What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear?
A. “Thanks for the refill!”
the teacher asked the boy if she could have his home work the boy said i made it in to a paper plane and it got higacked
Remember, there are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian church.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and law partners.”
The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same but the dishes are stacking up in the sink!
What do you call a Highlander with four sheep?
A pimp
A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up.”
After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”
“No, ma’am,” he says, “but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.”
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.”Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine.””Why ?” asked the judge. “He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?””Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Albee!Albee!Albee a monkey’s uncle!
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I
may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky
tire.
3. it�s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your
neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
5. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
6. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That
way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
10. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.
13. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
15. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
16. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
judgment.
17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it
back in your pocket.
18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
21. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
22. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
23. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
24. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt … then
things get worse.