1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle
3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a hefty bag
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of Ahh-ight or Naaaaa
5. Instead of ta-da the opening sound would be dueling banjos
6. The Recycle Bin in Winders’95 would be an outhouse
7. Whenever you pulled up the sound player you’d hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling Freebird!
8. Instead of Start Me Up the Winders’95 theme song would be Achy-Braky Heart
9. PowerPoint would be named ParPawnt
10. Microsoft’s programming tools would be Vishul Basic and Bishul C++
11. Winders’95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
13. Instead of latte carts we’d have grits carts
14. New Shutdown wav: Y’all come back now, Yah hear?
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans-Am
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micrasawft Henhouse
18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire
20. Speadsheet software would include examples in inventory dead cars in your front yard
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates
23. Instead of asking “where do you want to go today? it’s more like Hey mister, can I ketch a ridein the back?
24. Free eraser to erase the scribbble marks off the screen when using the NotePad
Author: admin
Dos amigas que no se
Dos amigas que no se hab�an visto en mucho tiempo decidieron encontrarse para comer. En la sobremesa conversaron largamente de sus respectivas vidas amorosas.
Una de ellas dijo que realmente no hab�a nadie especial en su vida.
La segunda, por el contrario, estaba entusiasmada con el nuevo hombre que hab�a encontrado. “Es perfecto. Es guapo, y anoche cuando salimos a cenar, me dijo las tres palabritas que hab�a estado esperando escuchar de un hombre toda la vida.”
“Te dijo �Quieres casarte conmigo?”
“�No, c�mo crees! Me dijo: Yo pago todo.”
BoatingTrip
A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida, but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard.
“I always knew God would take care of us,” said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home.
“I like to hear you say that,” beamed the mother. “Always remember that God is in his heaven watching over us.”
“Oh, I wasn’t talking about that God,” the five year old interrupted.
“I was talking about the COAST God.”
Low Bridge Ahead
A truck driver was driving along and passed a sign that said “low bridge
ahead.”
Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under
it.
Cars were backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car. He walked around
to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver said, “No officer. I was delivering this bridge and ran out
of gas!”
I’ve found it
Every philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room; Marxist
philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, but the cat isn’t
there; Soviet philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room, the cat
isn’t there, but you keep shouting “I’ve found it! I’ve found it!”
I didn’t feel a thing
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each
other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at
the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom.
Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and
wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session, she
gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”
Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”
Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
Sheep
What is the matter with sheep?
Bleats me.
Caring Widow
George, Bob and Fred are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, George falls off. He is killed instantaneously.
After the ambulance leaves with George’s body, Bob and Fred realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job.
After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer.
“So did you tell her?” asks Fred.
“Yep”, replies Bob.
“Say, where did you get the six-pack?”
Bob informs Jeff. “She gave it to me.”
“WHAT??” exclaims Fred, “you just told her, her husband died and she gave you a six-pack??”
“Sure,” Bob says.
“WHY?” asks Fred.
“Well,” Bob continues, “when she answered the door, I asked her, ‘are you George’s widow?’ ‘Widow?’, she said, ‘no, no, you’re mistaken, I’m not a widow!’ So I said: “I’ll bet you a six-pack you ARE!'”
Pigeon in the Sky
Little pigeon in the sky,
Dropping things from way up high.
Angry farmer wipes his eye,
Very glad that cows don’t fly.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,…
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I
just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280.
Please be careful!”
“Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”
How often?
The South Carolina couple planned to get married and went to the doctor for their blood test.
The M.D. then tried to explain to them about sex. The boy just listened with a dumb expression on his face.
So the doctor took his fiancee over to the examination table, had her lie down and then made love to her.
“Now do you understand?” asked the physician.
“Yeah,” said the boy. “But how often do I have to bring her in?”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by ���rt��
We’re Rangers!
True story: A friend’s mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, “Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen’s ball?”
To that, he replied, “No ma’am. We’re Rangers! We don’t have any balls!” He continued to write down some information.
After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, “Never mind.” He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off – no ticket was issued.