How do you keep a blonde busy?
(see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy?
(see above)
Author: admin
Funny Business Signs
Quirky Business Signs
* On the door of a dental office: We cater to cowards!”
* On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”
* On the trucks of a local plumbing company: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”
* Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”
* Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”
* In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”
* Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “We can help you pick your nose!”
* On an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”
* In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
* On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”
* At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
* In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait!”
Una gringa llega a un
Una gringa llega a un hotel y pide un cuarto. El de la recepci�n le informa:
“S�lo tenemos la habitaci�n 194, pero ah� hay garrapatas”.
“No importa, d�mela”, exclama la mujer.
Le dan el cuarto y en la noche, cuando ya estaba dormida, entran tres tipos y se la agasajan. A la ma�ana siguiente, la gringa le reclama al due�o del hotel:
“Mister, me mintieron, me dijeron que nom�s hab�a garrapatas, y resulta que tambi�n hab�a garrachichis, garranalgas y garratodo”.
Memory
An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.
“Why did you do that?” asks a passing giraffe.
“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago.”
“Wow, what a memory!” says the giraffe.
“Yes,” says the elephant. “Turtle recall.”
Dictionary of
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
The loss of engines
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the
flight, the captain announced “One of the engines has failed and the flight will
be an hour longer. But don’t worry we have three engines left”.
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced “One more engine has failed and
the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry we have two engines left”.
An hour later the capain announced “One more engine has failed and the
flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left”.
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said “If we lose one more
engine, we’ll be up here all day”
Doctor Vs. Mechanic
A mechanic was removing a motor from a Harley when a world
famous surgeon walked into the shop. The mechanic yelled across
the floor to the doctor, “Hey Doc, can I ask you something?”
The surgeon was a bit surprised but he walked over to the
mechanic. The mechanic straightened himself up and wiped his
hands with a rag and said, “Look at this engine doc, I can also
open hearts, take out valves, fix ’em, put ’em back in and when
I’m done they’ll work just like new. So how come you get the big
bucks when I barely have enough to get by?”
The doctor leaned in close to the young mechanic and whispered,
“Try doing it with the engine running.”
The "Politically Correct" Days of Christmas…
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members
in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their
union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front
threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To
avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has
been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs
THREE deconstructionist poets
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
and…
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. Merry
Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck! Happy
Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law) *
*Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder
(SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for
celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
En una tienda, un tipo
En una tienda, un tipo mira lascivamente a una espectacular chica que tiene un cuerpazo, lindo cabello, ojos verdes, piel canela, redondeadas caderas y unas tetas exquisitas. El hombre se acerca a la mujer y le susurra al o�do:
“Mamacita, te doy 2 mil si me dejas darte un mordisquito en uno de tus senitos”.
La muchacha, furiosa, le increpa:
“�Viejo atrevido, qu� est� pensando que soy!”
Nuevamente, el fulano le insin�a:
“Te doy 200 mil si te dejas dar un mordisquito en uno de tus senitos”.
“�Imb�cil! �Qu� pasa contigo? �Respeta! �Con qui�n crees que tratas?”
El individuo insiste:
“Mi amor, te voy a dar 500 mil por dejarte dar un mordisquito en uno de tus senitos”.
La joven esta vez lo piensa y accede a la petici�n del personaje tentada por los $500.000.
“Est� bien. Camina, nos metemos en aquel cuarto y me das el mordisquito”.
Se meten en el cuarto y la mujer saca uno de sus senos; �l empieza a chupar. Al cabo de un rato, ella le apresura:
“�Muerde, pues, hombre! �Muerde!”
“�Sabes qu�, mi amor? �No muerdo porque no tengo dinero!”
yo mama’s dandruff
yo mama got so bad dandruff the princepal declaired a snow day
Got Change for a Dol
Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?” Soldier” “Sure, buddy.” Officer: “That’s no way to address an officer! Now let’s try it again.” Officer: “Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?”Soldier: “No, SIR!”
A Commandment for C Programmers
10. Thou shalt foreswear, renounce, and abjure the vile heresy which claimeth that “All the world’s a VAX”, and have no commerce with the benighted heathens who cling to this barbarous belief, that the days of thy program may be long even though the days of thy current machine be short.