racist jokes are still racist even when labelled “ethnic”
Author: admin
The assignment
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day.
It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.
Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?”
“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”
“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for 3 days.”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.
Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”
“Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.”
Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, “I don’t want to see you for 3 weeks.”
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up.
This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.
To which Little Johnny replies, “Well Miss, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
To My Dear Spouse…
O MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
5 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn’t want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there,
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling,
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished, and one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
didn’t get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn’t cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball,etc. on TV.
Of the times we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was , “would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?” The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Undecided
The confused young man couldn’t decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Try as he might, he just could not make up his mind.
Unwilling to give up either, he strung them along for far too long. This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.
Moral of the story: You can’t have your Kate and Edith too!
The Honeymoon Begins.
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground, when he finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fianc�e is still a virgin in every way.”
The doc said , “I’ll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.”
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, “You are my FIRST, no one has ever touched these breasts.”
He whips down his pants and says… ” Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!”
Snoring Wife
When his wife’s snoring woke him for the third straight night, Harry went to the bathroom medicine cabinet, got some aspirin and popped two tablets into her gaping mouth. ‘Awk, glub!’ choked his startled wife. ‘What the…’ ‘It’s okay, honey. I gave you some aspirin,’ he explained. ‘Why? I don’t have a headache!’ ‘Great!’ said Harry, triumphantly. ‘Let’s fuck!’
Gorilla headache
It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo.
She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand.
He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.
She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. “Now try lifting your dress up your thighs”
… this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, “Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”
God and Moses went golfing.
God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole.
It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver.
Then Moses said,”God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it.”
So God said, “If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it.” So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake.
So Moses said, “See God, I told you that would happen. I’ll get it this time but you’ll have to get it next time.” So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine.
Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down the fairway. Then God took out his driver.
Moses said, “God, last time you used your driver you sliced it. You always slice it.”
And God repeated, “If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it.” So he got up, and hit the ball. Long hard shot, sliced, PLUNK!
Moses said, “I got the last one.” So God walked on the water, bent over, picked up the ball. About this time there was a foursome coming up behind them. One if the guys saw what God was doing and asked Moses, “Who does that guy think he is, Jesus?”
Moses replied, “No. He thinks he’s Arnold Palmer.”
Earthquake!!
If the entire population of China jumped off of a 1 foot step
ladder at the exact same moment, an earthquake of 10 on the
Richter scale would be felt in the United States of America.
But, since the population of China is three times that of the
US, if the entire population of the USA jumped off of a
three-foot step ladder at the same time, at the exact right
moment, that earthquake would be sent back to China.
Wanna Hear A Dirty Joke
Wanna hear a drity joke?
A man fell into a mud puddle,
Wanna hear a clean joke?
He took a bath with bubbles,
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is a man!
Smile. . . tomorrow will
Smile. . . tomorrow will be worse.
Bell Ringer
There once was a man and his family that lived in a little old
village. One day he was driving along and was hit by a
semi-truck. All of his family was killed and he was severely
injured. Because of his injuries and the time it took, he was
fired from his job.
Seeing the bad shape he was in, a group of monks decided to take
him in. They gave him the job of ringing the bell.
One Sunday, while the man was ringing the bell, the rope
snapped. He was so worried about his job that he ran up the
three flights of stairs. Upon reaching the top, he began to hit
the bell with his fists, but it didn’t work. So he began to ring
the bell with his head. It made a loud, grand ringing sound.
Unfortunately, the man became dizzy and fell down the bell tower
to his death.
Later that day the police arrived. All of the monks were out to
help answer any question they could. “Does anyone know this
man’s name?” asked on of the police officers. One of the monks
turned to him and said, “I don’t know his name, but his face
sure rings a bell.”