Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce.The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds.My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.””What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?””No,” replied the woman, “and neither does the little queer.”
Author: admin
Opps said the Dr
One day this guy went to the doctor and said, “Doc I really feel bad, can you do some tests?”
The doctor did some tests and said, “I’ll call you when they’re done and we can talk over the phone. OK?”
The guy said, “OK,” and went home and did his daily routine.
One morning he woke up and the phone rang. He picked it up and it was the doctor.
The doc said, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
The guy said, “Well, what is the good news?”
The doc said, “You have 24 hours to live.”
The guy said, “Well, what’s the bad news?”
The doc said, “I forgot to call you yesterday.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
For the man I love.
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said.
“But, it has my husband pretty upset.”
Ugabooga
Two hunters were captured in the jungle by a group of savages.
The Chief of the savages looks at the first hunter and says, “Ugabooga or death!”
The hunter looks at the chief and says, “Ugabooga.”
A real big savage grabs the hunter and bends him over a log and has sex with him, after he finishes he lets him go.
The chief looks at the second hunter and says, “Ugabooga or death!”
The second hunter says, “Death!”
The chief says, “Okay, then death, by ugabooga!”
Submitted by Bigmike2563
Edited by Curtis
Egyptian Viagra
An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a
stranger comes up to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in
Egypt) for 100 Egyptian pounds.
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?”
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, 20?”
“No, not worth it!”
“How about 10?”
“No, not worth it!”
“Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are
not worth it?”
“Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wifes not worth it!
20 Inches
3 males were speeding on a highway. A nearby cop sees the
speeding car and pulls them over. Noticing that they are drunk,
he starts writing them a ticket. The 3 males, begging the gay
cop not to write them a ticket, says that they will never drink
and drive again. But the cop doesnt change his mind, telling
them that they should have thought of the consequences before
drinking and driving. After much pleading and arguing, the gay
cop tells the three males that if all three males’ dicks add up
to 20 inches, they will be free to go, which they agree to. So
the first drops his pants, and the cop measures his penis. 10
inches. “10 more inches,” says the cop. The second guy’s penis
is measured, and comes out to 8 inches. Reminding the males that
20 inches is the requirement, he leads the third guy to the side
of the road to measure his penis. After a moment, the cop comes
back saying,”You guys got lucky, your friend popped a boner.”
New Parachute
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain
Are you chicken?
Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove he was not chicken
Why is Perot’s wife glad he didn’t get elected?
Q: Why is Perot’s wife glad he didn’t get elected?
A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad
neighborhood.
Paper shredder
So, a seceratary was leaving the office
when she saw the CEO standing in front
of the paper shredder with a piece of
paper in his hand. “Excuse me.” said the
CEO, “This is a very important document.
Could you get this thing to work?” so the
seceratary tuned on the machine,
inserted the paper and pressed the start
button and the paper went. “Great,” said
the CEO, “I just need one copy.”
very funny joke
what did the fish say to the other fish
if u don’t shut your mouth you’ll get cought
AMPUTATION
MAN VISITS M.D. AND IS TOLD THE FAMILY JEWELS MUST BE AMPUTATED…HE RUNS TO ANOTHER DOC, SAME DIAGNOSIS. FINALLY SEES A SIGN OF AN ORIENTAL PHYSICIAN. DOCTOR ASSURES HIM AMPUTATION IS NOT NECESSARY…..HE SIGHS IN RELIEF AND STARTS TO LEAVE, AND THE MD FINISHES HIS DIAGNOSIS WITH ” NO NEED TO AMPUTATE, WAIT TWO WEEKS AND IT FALL OFF.