Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. “Why should we impose our values on the lightbulb ? If it wishes to be a lightbulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality.”
Author: admin
Blondie Puzzle
A Blonde walks into a bar. She yells, “52 days! 52 days!” The
bartender thinks to himself, ‘Why is she yelling 52 days?’
Another couple blondes walk into the bar yelling, “52 days! 52
days!” The bartender says out loud, “Why are they yelling 52
days?”
The blondes begin to chant, “52 days! 52 days!” as more blondes
walk in. The bartender finally screams, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING 52
DAYS?” A silence falls over the room.
A blonde speaks out, “We finished a puzzle in 52 days that said
2-3 years.”
�rase una inocente princesa que
�rase una inocente princesa que paseaba por el bosque y que encontr� en una charca el momento adecuado para refrescarse. En eso, oye una voz que le dice:
“�Hola!”
Pero all� no hab�a nadie y, pensando que se trataba de su imaginaci�n, decidi� continuar refresc�ndose la cara, cuando volvi� a o�r:
“�Hola, estoy aqu�!”
La princesa observ� que se trataba de una ranita. �sta le dijo a la inocente princesa que se trataba de un pr�ncipe que hab�a sido encantado por una malvada bruja y que si dorm�a bajo la almohada de una inocente princesa, se volver�a otra vez pr�ncipe y conseguir�a la fortuna perdida. La princesita, que era muy inocente, la llev� al castillo, la puso bajo la almohada y se durmi�.
Y este es el cuento que le cont� la princesa a su padre, cuando al d�a siguiente la encontr� con un t�o en la cama.
Un tipo se perdi� en
Un tipo se perdi� en la selva amaz�nica, fue encontrado por una tribu de can�bales y llevado donde el jefe.
Dice el jefe, “Qu� bueno, es para mi cena. Pongan el caldero.”
Ponen el caldero, le echan agua, lo ponen al fuego y al tipo lo meten en la olla.
Al momento de estar all� el tipo empieza a reir a carcajadas. El jefe, asombrado, se levanta del trono y le pregunta por qu� se r�e si lo estan cocinando, y el tipo le responde:
“�Oh, jefe, porque me le cague en la sopa!”
Pimp Jokes Bout YO MAMA
Yo Mama so fat-
–she went to tha beach and tha bleached whales were singin WE R FAMALY EVEN THO U BIGGER THAN ME
–Her nickname on tha street is HOLY SHIT
–she doesnt wear G-strings she wears A,B,C,D,E,F,and G strings
–her blood type is RAGU
–she steped on a scale and it said one at a time please
–she steped on a scale and it said to be continued….
Yo Mama so Dumb-
–She sold her car fo gas money
–she studied fo a blood test and Failed
–on her job application were it waz written sex she put M,F and sumtimes on Wednesday
–she sits on tha TV and watches tha couch
YO mama like a postal stamp like her, stick her, and send her away.
Yo mama like a door nob everyone gets a turn
I’m ignoring Y2K
Jack was a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. After years of being
taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the
Client/Server programmers and website developers, he was finally getting some
respect. He’d become a private consultant specializing in Year 2000
conversions.
Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had taken
its toll on Jack. He began having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. All he
could think about was how he could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with
it.
Jack decided to contact a company that specialized in cryogenics. He made
a deal to have him frozen until March 15th, 2000. The next thing he would know
is he’d wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year celebrations and computer
debacles; after the leap day. Nothing else to worry about except getting on with
his life.
He was put into his cryogenic receptacle, the technicians set the revive date,
he was given injections to slow his heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was
that.
The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very modern room
filled with excited people. They were all shouting “I can’t believe it!” and
“It’s a miracle” and “He’s alive!� There were cameras (unlike any he’d ever
seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a science fiction movie.
Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group stepped forward. Jack
couldn’t contain his enthusiasm. “Is it over?” he asked. “Is the year 2000
already here? Are all the millennial parties and promotions and crises all over
and done with?”
The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with the programming of
the timer on Jack’s cryogenic receptacle; it hadn’t been year 2000 compliant. It
was actually eight thousand years later, not the year 2000. Technology had
advanced to such a degree that everyone had virtual reality interfaces which
allowed them to contact anyone else on the planet.
“That sounds terrific,” said Jack. “But I’m curious. Why is everybody so
interested in me?”
“Well,” said the spokesman. “The year 10000 is just around the corner, and it
says in your files that you know COBOL”.
Cat is HUNGARY!
A cat eats A frog!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking back on photos
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade
them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to
look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a
lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.'”
A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher;
she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”.
Knock Knock 190
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Warren!
Warren who?
Warren my birthday suit!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Warrior!
Warrior who?
Warrior you been all my life!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Wash!
Wash who?
Wash you there , Fred!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Water!
Water who?
Water be ashamed of yourself for living in a dump like this!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Water skier!
Water skier who?
Water skier’d of, I’m harmless!
Piano joke
Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her over with a steam roller?A: Be flat, major.
Two Brain Cells
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant
A cowboy and his horse
A cowboy walks out of a bar and a second later
comes back in, mighty mad. “Okay,” he growls. “Now
which one of you hombres went outside a painted
my horse bright red while I was drinking”?
Nobody answers, and the cowpoke draws his six
shooter and yells, “I said which one of you mangy
polecats painted my horse red?
Slowly one of the cowboys at the bar stands up.
He is 6 feet, 10 inches tall, and he pulls a
small cannon from his holster. “I done it”, he growls.
The first cowboy puts his gun back into his holster
and says, “Just wanted to let you know the first coat’s
dry�.