Yours Fun Portal !
Three girls are sitting around, totally bored so one girl
suggests that they make up nicknames for their ideal
boyfriends and name them after soda pops.
“I want mine to be 7-Up, ’cause 7 days a week he’s up.”
“I want mine to be Mountain Dew ’cause when he’s in between
my mountains, we’ll be doing it.”
“Mine’s gonna be Jack Daniel’s.”
“You can’t do that. Here we are talking about soda pop and
you’re talking about a hard liquor.”
“Exactly.”
Q. How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the fella puts on his cap, picks up rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other fella says, “That was touching. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
The first fella responds, “Well, I guess it was the thing to do, after all I was married to her for 40 years.”
One day a man was walking down the beach and came upon an old lamp. remembering the stories of how these lamps contain genies, he began to rub it and out popped a genie. the genie,looking annoyed, said “you are the fifth person this month to awaken me and i am tired of granting wishes. i am going to grant you only one wish so make it a good one”.the man pondered for a moment and finally spoke, “i like to travel to hawaii so build me my own personnel bridge there”. the genie, in a bewildered voice said “you must be crazy, it is impossible to build a bridge across the pacific ocean. do you realize how deep the water is? there would be no where to anchor the bridge supports. you must make another wish”.
the man thinks for a few minutes and then turns to the genie and asks “well then, tell me the secret to satisfying women. i want to know how to keep them happy and content”.
the genie looks at the man and says ” do you want that bridge four lanes or six lanes.
British public toilets have a large gap between the door and the floor.
In one of them, I spotted the following graffiti: ‘Beware of the Irish limbo dancer’.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
Knock KnockWho’s there?Irene!Irene who?Irene and Irene but still no one answers the door!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
“Why don’t you say that to my face?”
“Turn around.”
A German tourist walks into a McDonald’s in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald’s actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: “They don’t serve BEER here, you MORON!”
The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.
“And what’s so funny?!?” the New Yorker demands.
“Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food.”
Your so dumb you stole free samples.
What is black and white and red all over?
A panda bear with diaper rash!
Why do black people hate country music?
Every time they say “hodown” they think their sister got shot.