Author: admin

Dos amigos estaban charlando en un bar: “Pues estoy preocupado, porque �ltimamente mi mujer no pone ning�n inter�s cuando hacemos el amor y no se queda satisfecha.

“Bah, no te preocupes, eso es por la rutina. A m� me pasaba lo mismo hasta que descubr� una soluci�n. Mira, cuando noto que esta perdiendo inter�s, lo que hago es sacar una pistola de agua y pegarle un tiro en la cara, y con la impresi�n del susto se vuelve a excitar y todo va perfecto.”

“�Deveras? Pues voy a probarlo.”

Al cabo de unos d�as vuelven a verse: “Hombre, �c�mo te ha ido con tu esposa?”

“No me hables. Resulta que estabamos haciendo un 69 cuando note que estaba cans�ndose, as� que saqu� la pistola y la dispar�. Se cag� en mi cara, me arranc� el pito de un mordisco, y de un armario sali� un negro con las manos en alto.”

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years,
him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.

Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin
caused by corporate down-sizing and it’s effects on a 50 years old
executive.

Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interst for 30
years totalling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot, she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.

She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.

She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, “If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!”

Submitted by Phil

God summons St. Peter and says, “St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is full.

However, we have a number of high-profile candidates waiting at the Gates, and we are suffering from falling popularity.

So, I’m going to throw out Mother Teresa and let in one of the celebrities at the gate. You’ll have to go and decide who is most suitable.”

St. Peter goes down to the Pearly Gates and finds Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace, and Princess Diana waiting for him.

He says, “I’m afraid I can only let one of you in, so each of you must come up with a reason why you should be admitted to Heaven.”

Freddie Mercury says, “I’ve been gifted with one of the most beautiful voices to ever grace the earth. I’ll spend my time in Heaven singing praises to God with the choirs of angels. Heaven will never have sounded better.”

Gianni Versace says, “I was Earth’s greatest designer. I will outfit the cherubs and angels in all the latest fashions — long silky gowns, satin cloaks and nightwear spun from the very clouds we stand on. Heaven will never have looked better.”

Diana blushes a little, looks around nervously and seems unable to find something suitable to say. Suddenly, she strips off her skirt and panties, whips out a bottle of Perrier, shakes it up and douches with it.

St. Peter says, “OK, Diana, you may enter. Have a nice day!”

Freddie and Gianni are mortified.

“What’s going on here?” Freddie cries. “We could make heaven look and sound better than ever before, and she performs a disgusting, pornographic act, but she gets in and we don’t!”

St. Peter just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Sorry, guys, but a royal flush beats a pair of queens any day.”