WHY DIDTHELADY PUT CAT FOOD DOWN HER PANTS TO FEED HER PUSSY
Author: admin
Senor
What do you call a Spanish gay guy?
A senor-eater.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent
Detective test
A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first SARDAR answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy,” the SARDAR replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by calamjo
Soiled Linens
an extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of
which had left his system extremely upset. upon making several false-alarm trips
to the bathroom he decided the latest was another and stayed put. unfortunately
for him, this wasn’t a false alarm and he soiled his bed linens terribly. he was
embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. losing his presence of mind,
he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital
window.
a drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. he started
yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in
a tangled pile at his feet.
as the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a
security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, “what
the hell was that all about?”
still staring down, the drunk replied: “i think i just beat the s*** out of a
ghost!”
Wild Game
Two Texas A&M Aggies were out hunting in Central Texas when they encountered a scantily clad young lass lounging against a tree.
?What y?all boys doing?? she inquired.
They (being manly men) responded, ?Well ma?am, we?re huntin? wild game.?
?Well I?m wild, and I?m game!? she replied.
So they shot her.
En el aeropuerto de Nueva
En el aeropuerto de Nueva York se encuentra un boeing 747, listo para despegar, lleno de pasajeros esperando que arriben los pilotos. Pasa una hora y la gente se impacienta. Por fin los pilotos llegan, pero entran por una de las puertas traseras del avi�n y se van caminando por todo el pasillo hacia la cabina.
Lo que m�s sorprende y asusta a los pasajeros es que los dos pilotos usan anteojos oscuros y bast�n mientras avanzan lentamente, golpeando con el bast�n los asientos para guiarse hasta llegar a la cabina. Despu�s de mucho esfuerzo, por fin lo logran, y se enciende la se�al de ajustarse el cintur�n para iniciar el despegue. Se aceleran las turbinas y el aparato comienza a moverse cada vez m�s r�pido.
Tensos, los pasajeros miran por las ventanillas y ven que la nave alcanza cada vez mayor velocidad. As�, pasa rauda el cartel que dice: Fin de pista 1000 m. Sigue avanzando. M�s r�pido a�n, pasa el cartel: Fin de pista 500 m, mientras sigue avanzando.
En silencio, los viajeros ven como pasa a una velocidad incre�ble el cartel que dice: Fin de pista. En ese momento, gritan desesperados y… el avi�n despega. En la cabina, el piloto le dice a su copiloto:
“�El d�a que estos cabrones no griten, nos hacemos mierda!”
Parkingmeter
your momas so stupid she put 25c in a parkingmeter and said wheres my gumball
Paying the Dentist
As soon as the dentist asked the patient to sit down, he pulled out his wallet.
Seeing this the dentist said, “Please don’t, you don’t need to pay me now”.
The patient answered: “Pay you! I just want to count my money before I’m unconscious!”
There are 3 stages of sex after marriage….
There are 3 stages of sex after marriage. The first stage is the
“Anywhere” stage, when you’ll do it anywhere – the kitchen table, the
shower, on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle.
The second stage is the “Bedroom” stage, when you’ll only do it in the
bedroom with the lights turned out.
The third stage is the “Hallway” stage, when you pass each other in the
hallway and say “Screw you!”
Talking Parrot
A guy goes and buys a parrot. The parrot can speak really well.
The guy takes the parrot into a pub and bets everyone that the
parrot can talk well. He gets the odds of 30 to 1. He is just
about to boast about the parrot but the parrot won’t talk. He is
furious and goes home and yells at the parrot. He raps his hands
around the parrots neck when the parrot says, “STOP! Just think
of the odds you’ll get tomorrow night.”
The blonde plumers
why did the blonde plumers go to and stand by a tree.
because it had a crack showing to.
Irish Confession
Use the Term ‘Falling’ Instead Of ‘Cheating’
An elderly priest was upset with the things he was hearing during Saturday
confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his
congregation, “I’m tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession
that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me
‘I have cheated with Anthony… I have cheated with Mary… I have cheated
with Frankie.’ I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when
you come into my confessional, you will say ‘I have fallen with Anthony, or
with Mary, or with Frankie.’ No more the word CHEATS. It will be FALL.”
About a year later, the old priest retired and was replaced by a younger
man. No one thought to tell the new priest about the change of words in
the confessional. After hearing his first round of Saturday confessions,
the young priest went to the mayor of the town and said to him, “Mr. Mayor,
you are going to have to do something about the deplorable condition of the
streets and sidewalks in this town. Everybody is telling me they are
falling all over the place.”
The mayor immediately understood the problem, and he leaned back in his
chair and laughed.
The priest was puzzled, and said, “Mr. Mayor, you shouldn’t be laughing!
Your wife told me that just last week she fell three times!”