What do you call Jessica Winston?
Bessy the fat cow.
Author: admin
Hearing Problems
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
Placing your order
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
10 Signs That A Kid Is A Nerd
10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and
authority figures.
9. Is overly enthusiastic about ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and other role playing
games.
8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.
7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.
6. Says ‘Whom’ instead of ‘Who.’
5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they
can continue with their learning.
4. Prefers NPR to any music.
3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.
2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.
1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.
2 really dopey blondes
Two blondes are on a bus and one of them looks out the window and see’s two other blondes in the middle of a feild rowing a boat. She turns to the other blonde and says “Its blondes like that who give us blondes a bad name.” and she replied “yeah and if i could swim i’de kill her!”
True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:
Caller: “Hello, Is this tech support?�
Tech: “Yes, It is. How may I help you?”
caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “Did you say a Cup holder?�
caller: “Yes! It is attached to the front of my computer”
Tech:”Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it�s because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotional,at a trade show?”
caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional,
and it just has 4 X on it.”
At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn’t stand it
He was laughing too high. The caller had been using the load drawer of CD-ROM
drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.
Puede estar ca�da o funcionando.
Puede estar ca�da o funcionando. Siempre es m�s divertida cuando est� funcionando, pero tambi�n se hace dif�cil terminar cualquier otro trabajo.
En el pasado distante era utilizada con el �nico prop�sito de transmitir informaci�n vital para supervivencia de la especie. Hay gente que piensa que debe usarse s�lo para eso, pero la mayor�a de la gente la usa para divertirse la mayor�a del tiempo.
Es un instrumento ameno para “interactuar” con otras personas.
Si no se toman las medidas necesarias es probable que puedan transmitir uno que otro virus.
Una vez empiezas a jugar con ella, no puedes parar.
Siempre cuesta dinero conectarte con ella.
Algunos la usan, otros no.
Algunas personas estar�n devastadas si alg�n d�a se las llegan a quitar.
Es una forma de matar tiempo, cuando no tienes nada que hacer.
Es Plug & Play.
How Darth Vader Stole Christmas
In a cut sequence from the Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke:
“Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you’re getting for Christmas!”
Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously:
“How could you possibly know what I’m getting for Christmas?”
Darth Vader…. “Because I’ve felt your presents….”
Q: How many NBC
Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.
An ounce of brains
A lawyer finds out he has an inoperable brain tumor.
It’s so large, they have to do a brain transplant.
His doctor gives him a choice of available brains.
There’s a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce.
A jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce.
And a jar of lawyer brains for the sum of $800 an ounce.
The outraged lawyer says, “This is a rip off! How come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?”
The doctor replies, “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
In the fight between you
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
Una se�ora cotidianamente quedaba complacida
Una se�ora cotidianamente quedaba complacida al tener sexo con su esposo. Un d�a, el hombre ten�a que irse de viaje por asuntos de trabajo. Al enterarse de esto, la mujer, asustada, le suplico que no se fuera ya que no podr�a soportar un solo d�a sin cohabitar con �l. Tranquilo, el tipo le dice que �l encontrar�a la soluci�n y pens� en comprarle un vibrador.
En la tienda, el vendedor le ofreci� un nuevo tipo de vibrador, el m�s avanzado de todos: Budo Dick.
“Mire, usted solamente tiene que decirle Budo Dick y el lugar de donde ser� la penetraci�n; para detenerlo, basta con ordenarle: Budo Dick a tu caja, y �l volar� hacia su caja”.
El sujeto qued� convencido y lo compr�. Al llegar a su casa, le explica a la esposa como se usaba ese nuevo aparato.
“Mira, querida, este vibrador es muy sencillo de usar y te servir� para que no te sientas sola. �nicamente le tienes que decir: Budo Dick y el lugar en donde lo quieres”.
El marido emprende el viaje sin explicarle como detener el vibrador. Al quedarse sola con el vibrador, �sta ordena:
“Budo Dick, a mi cosa”.
En un instante, la mujer ya ten�a al Budo Dick ah�. Al principio, lo estaba gozando, pero cuando ya estaba cansada y quiso detenerlo, se asust� al ver que no pod�a hacerlo. Se viste con el Budo Dick todav�a ah�; se sube a su auto y, desesperada, pretende ir tras su esposo a m�s de 200 Km por hora. Pero un polic�a le ordena detenerse:
“Voy a levantarle una infracci�n por conducir con exceso de velocidad”.
La tipa, desesperada, le explica:
“Lo que pasa es que tengo aqu� un vibrador llamado Budo Dick y no s� como detenerlo. Voy por mi esposo para que me explique”.
El oficial no cree nada de lo que dice. La se�ora suplica:
“�Por favor, ya no aguanto esta cosa!”
El polic�a, burl�ndose, exclama:
“�Budo Dick, mi culo!”