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La Madre Superiora estaba entrevistando a una de sus monjas que hab�a decidido dejar el convento.
“�Y qu� vas a hacer de hoy en adelante?”
“Quiero volverme una prostituta.”
“�UNA QUEEE? �Qu� fue lo que dijiste?”
“Dije que quiero volverme una prostituta.”
“�Oh, gracias a Dios! Pens� que hab�as dicho una protestante.”
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray this cushy life to keep
I pray for toys that look like mice
and warm cushions soft and nice
For grocery bags where I can hide
Just like a tiger croucched inside
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks
and someone nice to scratch my back
For window sills all warm and bright
for shadows to explore by night
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
and keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really run by cats.
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
“What for?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: “That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The young man replied, “I know. But I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”
How do you know when Michal Jackson is having a party
there are 20 bigwheels parked in his front yard
You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your potted plants stay alive.
Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
You have to pay your own credit card bill.
You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.
8:00 a.m. is not early.
You have to file your own taxes.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You’re not carded anymore.
You carry an umbrella.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
You start watching the Weather Channel.
Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.
You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
You go to parties that the police don’t raid.
Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
Your car insurance goes down, except when you move to Jersey.
You refer to college students as kids.
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum. Well,
some of us still drink rum.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.
You’re waking up at 6 a.m. instead of going to bed.
College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
Dinner and a movie � the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter, and
MTV News.
METABOLISM SLOWDOWN
Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.
When drinking, you say at least once per night.
When a lawyer dies how come he has only 2 pall bearers?
There are only 2 handles on a garbage can.
One day, many years after the Clinton scandal, Hillary is struck by a car and killed. Soon, Hillary finds herself at the gates of Heaven. She sees St. Peter and asks ”Can I get into heaven now?”
He says ”Soon, I have some things to take care of.”
So St. Peter leaves and Hillary looks at the scenery and sees millions of clocks lying around. Every once in a while, a clock or so would turn ahead 15 minutes. Hillary wondered why. Soon, St. Peter came back and Hillary asked ”St. Peter, What are all these clocks for?”
St Peter replies ”Each clock represents a man. Every time a man commits adultry, the clock turns ahead 15 minutes.
Hillary asks ”Where’s my husbands clock?” St. Peter replies ”Oh, it’s in God’s office, he uses it for a fan.”
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PRETTY GIRL ON THE ARM OF A BOY FROM ALABAMA? A TATTOO!
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.64. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother’s tooth.You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.Your secret family recipe is illegal.
In court, the Judge asked Clinton if he ever asked Monica to lie. He
responded, “No, I just told her to kneel.”
one day a gentlemen just moved to a city and looked for a job.Later that day he was hired to be a lumber jack. As weeks went by he got hornier and hornier so he asked his boss where all the girls went? His boss said just go to that tree over there and stick your penis in. So the gentlemen went over to the tree, when hos boss left he put his dick in….He felt the best sensation a blowjob could give.he went on for hours moaning and screaming with all the pleasure. The nxt day after he finished his job he went for more and it was even better than before so he pushed harder and harder until he was exhausted……2 days later he went back to the tree but nothing happened.”No more sucking!”…He went back to his boss and said what happened to the blowjobs? his boss answered today it was your turn to go in the tree!