Yours Fun Portal !
yo mama so tall, she did a backflip and kicked jesus in the
mouth.
yo mama so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey.
yo mama’s glasses are so thick, she looks at a roadmap and sees
people waving.
yo mama so hairy, bigfoot takes pictures of her.
yo mama so short, she can tie her shoes standing up.
yo mama so bald, i can see whats on her mind
What are they calling the Clinton administration, now that he’s
out of office?
Sex between the Bushes!
A guy was in a bar drinking lightly after work. When he saw the
time, he said “Whoa, I gotta get home or my wife will kill me!”
His friend goes, “Listen, drink more and don’t worry about it.”
So he did. Then, the guy got soooooo drunk that he puked up
onto himself. “Oh man, my wifes gonna murder me.” he slurred.
“Don’t worry” his friend said “here is a $20 note, ok. Tell ya
wife this….”
Later that night, the man got home.
“Who do you think you are coming home drunk to me with vomit over
your shirt. You bastard! You’re a discrace of a husband” The
wife cried. “No sweetie” Mr Drunk began, “I stayed late at the
office and on the way home some druck chucked on me. He gave me
$20 as an apology. The wife stared at her husband. “Why is
there $40 in your pocket then?” The husband stared at the floor
and said, “Oh, um, um, um, he shit in my pants as well!”
How is a woman like a road?
-Both have manholes.
A boy was getting a checkup while his mother was in the waiting
room. Trying to get some information out of the boy, the nurse
asked, “What is your mother’s name?” The boy said “Mommy.” The
nurse said, “Well, what does your daddy call her?” The boy said
“Tammy.” The nurse wrote this down.
She did the smae thing, only with the father as the subject, and
got the same reply, “Daddy.” As a last resort, she remarked,
once again, “What does your mommy call him?” The boy looked up
at her with big innocent eyes and said, “Asshole.”
Elementronics The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
An old man was driving down the Interstate at 22 miles per hour, never going faster or slower.
A police officer noticed and followed him for a while, then pulled him over.
Before the officer could even get to the car, the man was saying, ‘I was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 miles per hour and that is exactly what I was doing, I was not speeding.’
The police officer said, ‘I didn’t pull you over for speeding, I pulled you over for going too slow.’
‘But the sign says 22.’
The officer explained that he was on Interstate 22.
As the man shook his head, the officer noticed that there were three older ladies in the back of the car.
All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was completely messy.
The police officer leaned toward the man and asked, ‘What’s wrong with them?’
‘Well, we just came off Interstate 134.’
Iban tres amigos en una motocicleta. El primero iba conduciendo, el del medio era tartamudo, y el �ltimo se llamaba Jaime.
El primero, que conduc�a, les dijo a sus dos amigos que se prepararan para sentir adrenalina, y aceler� su motocicleta.
El del medio, tartamudo, comenz� a decir:
“�Ja-Ja-Ja-Ja!”
Y el que conduc�a, al pensar que se su amigo se re�a, aceleraba cada vez m�s.
Despu�s de un rato, cuando se detuvieron, el del medio habl� diciendo:
“�Ja-Ja-Ja-Jaime se cay�!”
Two [ethnic] guys, Fred and Bob were walking down a street.
They saw a pile of something that sparked their interest.
“Looks like shit” Bob said.
“Yup, yup, looks like shit.” Fred answered.
“Smell it, see if it smells like shit.” Bob told him.
So Fred smells it and says, “Yup, smells like shit.”
“Feel it, see if it feels like shit.” Bob said.
“Yup, sure feels like shit.” Fred answers.
“Taste it, maybe it tastes like shit.” Bob told Fred.
“Yup, yup. Tasted like shit.” Fred said.
“Well, if it looks like shit, smells like shit,
feels like shit, and tastes like shit, it must be a pile of shit.”
Bob concluded.
“I’m sure glad we didn’t step in then.”
Isn’t it a shame that God gave men both a brain and a penis, but not enough blood to run both at the same time!
One day an Indian, English, and Polish guy all wanted to get blow jobs.
So they decided to go to a place where they could get what they wanted.
When they got in they saw that there were three levels: gold, silver and
bronze.
So the English guy said, “I think I will take the bronze level. The other
two guys sat there for about two minutes when the English guy came out.
He said that was the best blow job he had ever had. The Indian asked him
what she did that was so special.
He said she put ice cream on my dick and licked it all off.
Then the Indian said I think I will take the silver level. Three minutes
later the Indian come out and said that was the best blow job I’ve ever
had.
The other two guys asked what she did. He said she put ice cream, hot
fudge and caramel on my dick and licked it all off.
The Polish guy was amazed at what she did to the Indian so he decided to
take the gold room.
Five minutes later he came out saying, “That was the best blow job I’ve
ever had.”
There was a pause, then the English guy asked the Polish guy what she did.
He said she put, ice cream, hot fudge, caramel, whipped cream and a cherry
on my dick.
There was another pause, “Then what? Then what?” shouts the English guy.
“Well,” said the Polish guy “it looked so good I ate it myself.”
A hiker is walking through the fields of Wales when he sees a
Welsh farmer holding a sheep. The sheep seems to be in some
distress so the hiker wanders over to the farmer to enquire what
he is doing. “Are you shearing?” asks the man “No, get your
own!!!” came the reply.