Author: admin

Blonde in a bar

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There’s a blonde in a bar, huge tits, an ass to die for…all
round fuckin’ babe. A group of guys across the bar see this fine
lookin’ lady and decide they are going to see if the “head
hauncho” of the group can pick this chick up! So all the guys
put $20 in the pot and send off this sorry bastard toward the
blonde. He standing there, she smiles…he whispers a few sweet
nothings in her ear, she laughs…he takes her by the hand, and
she leaves with him. The guys can’t believe it!

So the guy and gal end up goin’ back to his place. The guy has
the largest fuckin’ “chubb” on in the world…and before a fat
bitch could finish eating a ding-dong…they’re fucking like
pigs!

After about 2 minutes of barn yard banging, the guy jizzes all
over the bitch an decides he’s had enough and tells the blonde
to roll over.

After about 3 minutes of layin’ around the blonde turns towards
the guy and asks, “Do you have AIDS?” He says, “Fuck no!” And
she replies, “PPPHHeeeEEEWWW!!! THANK GOD! I WOULDN’T WANTA
CATCH THAT AGAIN…”

Female comebacks!

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Guy:how do you like your eggs in the morning?

woman:unfertilized

Guy:my place or yours??

Woman:both,I’ll go to mine and you’ll go to yours!

Guy:is this seat empty?

Woman:yeah,and this one will be if you sit down!

Guy:Hey baby whats your sign?

Woman:Do not enter

Guy:I would go to the end of the world for you!

Woman:Yeah, but would you stay there?

Guy:If I saw you naked,I’d die happy!

Woman:If I saw you naked,I’d probably die laughing.

Guy:Have I seen you someplace before?

Woman:Yeah,that’s why I don’t go there anymore!

Guy:what do you do for a living?

Woman:I’m a female impersonator.

Guy:your body is like a temple!

Woman:Sorry,there are no services today.

Knock Knock 115

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Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce!
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I’ll tell you!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lilac!
Lilac who?
Lilac a trooper!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lillian!
Lillian who?
Lillian the garden!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lily!
Lily who?
Lily house on the prairie!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Lima Bean!
Lima Bean who?
Lima Bean working on the railroad….!

Filing System

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Two secretaries were talking about their work.”I hate filing,” said one.”No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I’m looking for. I forget where I have filed them.””I used to have that problem too, but no more,” her blonde friend said.”Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can’t miss it!”

Web addict

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1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book… if I still remember how.

8 ) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime… and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Can’t Find It

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Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. “I can’t find it,” he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said “yes” and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, “I can’t find it.”

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, “Well, did you find it?”

Tommy is quick with his reply, “Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards.”

Cri-sco!

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There was this old guy wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals –
“Crisco? Crisco? CRIS–CO!!!!”

Finally a store clerk approached.
“Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five.”
“Oh,” replied the old guy, “I’m not looking for Crisco, I’m calling my wife.”

“Your wife is named “Crisco?”
“Nah,” he answered, “I only call her that when we come to the supermarket.”

“Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?”
“Lard Ass!”

Shave and a bit more..

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A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, ‘I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.’ The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, ‘Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.’ She replied, ‘I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.’The cowboy said, ‘Tell him your working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.’ She said, ‘You tell him. He is the one shaving you.’