Sweet as candy

One pay day, Mr. Goodbar wanted to Skor.

So he took Miss Hershey to the Pot of Gold Motel on the corner of Aero and Fifth Avenue to show her some Twix.

He began to feel her Mounds that were pure Almond Joy.

It made her Tootsie Roll, and made him want to Eatmore.

This is Wonderbar!

He let out a Snicker as his Butterfinger went up her Kit Kat and caused a MilkyWay.

She screamed “Oh Henry”, as she grabbed his Big Turk and squeezed his M & M’s.

Miss Hershey said; “You are even better than the Three Musketeers”.

To which Mr. Goodbar replied, “When you’re this big they call you Mr. Big”.

Soon she was a bit Chunky and nine months later she had a Baby Ruth.

GM vs Microsoft

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:

“If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a news release
stating:

“If GM had developed technology like Microsoft we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day

Every time you painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car

Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you
would just accept this, restart and drive on

Occasionally executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you’d have to reinstall the engine

Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought
“Car95″ or CarNT”. But then you would have to buy more seats

MacIntosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5 per cent of the roads

The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light

Now seats would force everyone to have the same size butt

The airbag system would say “Are you sure?” before going off

Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna

GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand
McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary) even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more (Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department)

Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car

You’d press the start button to shut off the engine”

Religion after 105

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue.

Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him.

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”

The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105.

So, I figured that God is very busy and must have forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

Submitted by tbone
Edited by Curtis

A geologist’s song 02

Sea-Floor Spreading Lament (folksong) by Brenna Lorenz Refrain: Alas for the spreading of the ocean, Alas for the spreading of the sea, Alas for every year that passes by, Taking you two inches more from me! Oh, why did you leave our native plate, Causing me to weep and to mourn? With the plates diverging at such a rate, To leave me alone and lorn? If only the mantle would my counsel take, If the Earth would but listen unto me, I’d say, “Your convection cell remake, And bring my darling back to me!” So dive you down, you ocean dark, Part of the mantle be- Fire you up, you island arc – Subduct my darling back to me!

Durante la clase de Ciencias

Durante la clase de Ciencias Naturales, la maestra comenz� por decirles a los peque�os cada parte del cuerpo y les explic� que en la mayor�a de los casos tenemos proporci�n.

“Por ejemplo, ni�os, tenemos dos brazos, dos piernas, dos orejas, dos ojos, dos pies, dos manos, etc…”

Pepito, ansioso por decir algo, levant� la mano:

“�Yo, maestra!”

“A ver, Pepito, dime”.

“�Mi pap� tiene dos pitos!” Uno chiquito para mear y otro grandote para mi mam�!”