A blonde calls up the fire department to report a fire at her house. The person on the other end says,’stay calm mam. Now how do we get there?’ The blonde replies,’Duhh! Big red truck!’
Author: admin
Star Wars Remastered
The Top 15 Surprises in the Re-Mastered “Star Wars”
15 New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.
14 He might not sound as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader’s seems to have helped his breathing immensely.
13 Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the knee with a light saber.
12 Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to “Use the Fifth, Luke.”
11 The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba’s big brother, Pizza the Hut.
10 Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.
9 C3PO has a conspicuous “Intel Inside” sticker on his shiny brass ass.
8 Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin’ goatees.
7 New scene where Luke shakes JFK’s hand and tells him he has to pee.
6 Jabba the Butt-head saying, “Hehe…hehe…she said, ‘Lay ya.'”
5 Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how “Han Solo” got his name.
4 During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2’s special attachment.
3 Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.
2 The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star?Richard Jewell.
And the Number 1 Surprise in the Re-Mastered “Star Wars”…
1 Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.
the blonde and the b
there was a boy who liked a blonde and so one day he finally got the courage to ask her out. he said “would you go out with me?” she looked confused and said “where we going?”
Violin joke
Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?A: The bow is moving.
Peel and win
A blonde goes into a restaurant and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is free lunch.”
But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome! I’ve won a motorhome!”
Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken. You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as a prize!”
The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake I’ve won a motorhome!”
And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads:
“W I N A B A G E L”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by axelwang
Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with…
Man who sleep on railroad track wake up with split personality.
You’re a redneck … on your job application
You’re a redneck if…. On your job application under “SEX” you put “As often
as possible”.
Artificial Intelligence
What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
Artificial Intelligence.
Elephant
What do you do if you come across an elephant in the jungle?
Wipe it off and say you’re sorry.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Wild Wild West
It was during the gold rush in the Yukon Territory. Harry Alexander packed a bag, grabbed his Bible, and started out of the tent he shared with Gary Thorndike. Gary asked, “Where are you going?””I’m heading into Fort Dawson. I hear it’s the wildest town anybody’s ever seen. There’s booze you could take a bath in, gambling, and women who’ll drive you crazy with their favours.””Why are you taking your Bible?””Well, if it’s as good as they say, I’m planning to stay over Sunday!”
Why was Tiger looking in the toilet?…
Why was Tiger looking in the toilet?
He was loking for Poo bear!!!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Teresa!Teresa who?Teresa green!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Teresa!Teresa who?Teresa green!