Author: admin

How To Rite Good

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How To Rite Good1. Avoid alliteration. Always.2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)4. Employ the vernacular.5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.8. Contractions aren’t necessary.9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.10. One should never generalize.11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ”I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.14. Be more or less specific.15. Understatement is always best.16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.18. The passive voice is to be avoided.19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.21. Who needs rhetorical questions?22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Because It’s Lent

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On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, “Because it’s Lent.”Almost in tears, she remarked, “Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?”

Heartbreake

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one day a jasmine(who is a blonde) and her best friend tara(who is a bruinet)whent swimming and the jasmine spots this hot boy and starts flirting.well tara realy liked him and was hert.well the boy gos over to jasmine and asks her out.she of course said yes.well tara becomes over willed with grief and gos over to jasmine and says that we are not friends any more. and that divastates jasmine. jasmines boyfriend decides to take advantage of this and asks do you want me to kiss the boo boo?

Bedtime Poems For BIG Kids

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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered & torn.
It wasn’t the spider that crept up beside her,
But Little Boy Blue & his horn.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
“What have you got there?”
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
“Pies, you idiot!”

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding & Pie,
Kissed the girls & made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad……..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, & a sports car.