Your mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said,
“I’ve got power!”
Author: admin
Airfix model
What’s the difference between David Beckham and a new Airfix model?
One’s a glueless kit…
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Gagged
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged.
Penguin & JFK, Jr.
What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common? They’re both cute as hell and can’t fly!
Does Your Dog Own Yo
Does Your Dog Own You?See how many of these statements apply to you and your dog.*You believe every dog is a lap dog.*If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.*You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.*You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.*You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.*You can’t fully enjoy yourself without your dog.*No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).*You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself*You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.*You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighbourhood. You know their names.*You let the neighbour dog sleep over.*You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.*Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.*When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.*You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.*You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers.*Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.
1998 Predictions for 1999
Some 1999 predictions made in December 1998 by Supermarket Tabloid psychics, as collected by “Skeptical Inquirer” magazine: *”Marijuana will replace petroleum as America’s chief source of energy.” *”The Roseanne Show” will do a week of shows at a nudist colony.” *”Wynonna Judd will become a female wrestler.”
Football Fantasy
Two gay men walk into a Room, Followed by a straight guy.
“Hey how you doin Man, Im Tom and this is my pal gerry!
“Nice to meet you fellas!Im Bill.
“So uh!Me and gerry came up with this game you wanna play.
“Uh sure says Bill how?
A FART IS A FILED GOAL
A BIRP IS A TOUCHDOWN
GO!
TOM:FARTS= FIELD Goal
Gerry: Burps=Touchdown
Bill:Farts=BLOCKED
Saved Your Privates
A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded in
battle.
Waking up from the anesthesia he sees his doctor standing at his
bedside. “So tell me Doc, what did you do to me?”
The doctor says, “Son, we have some good news and some bad news.”
“Yeah, what?” replies the patient.
“Well the good news is that we were able to save your private
parts.”
“Yes, that is good news Doc, but what about the bad news?”
“We put them under your pillow!”
Extra large condoms
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”
Why is poo tapered
How come tirds are tapered on the end. So your butt don’t slam shut.
Bar jokes
Two guys walk into a bar the third one dunked
Kerry place blame squarely on Bush
PITTSBURG, PA
October 3, 2004
Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry kept President Bush on the defensive today, telling a Pittsburgh audience that Mr. Bush had allowed the long-dormant volcano Mount St. Helens to erupt on his watch, adding that he would “fix Mount St. Helens once and for all” if elected in November.
“When George Bush was elected president, Mount St. Helens was nothing but a trivia question,” Mr. Kerry said. “Well, guess what, folks – it’s spewing volcanic gases right now and it’s only a matter of time before she blows.”
Mr. Kerry said that Mr. Bush had refused to keep an eye on the troubling increase in volcanic activity at Mount St. Helens because he was “totally obsessed with Iraq.”
“I’ve got news for George Bush, ” Mr. Kerry said. “Saddam Hussein isn’t erupting. Mount St. Helens is erupting.”
After accusing Mr. Bush of being “in denial” about “the molten magma stewing inside that scary sucker,” Mr. Bush fired back, saying that it would be “sending the wrong message” to say that Mr. St. Helens was erupting.