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The nun and the cabby

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One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

“Why are you laughing?” Asked the nun.
“Oh, It’s nothing.” said the cabby.
“No, really.” said the nun “I won’t mind.”

So the Cabby told her:
“Well, It’s really silly but I’ve always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun.”

“Well then, whats your name?” The nun asked
“Robert”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you christian?”
“Yes.”
“Then Pull into the next alley.”

The cabby was stunned. but he didn’t want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the nun
“I’m sorry, I’ve lied.”
“How so?”
“Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I’m Jewish.”

“Well, I’ve done a bit of lying too…” smiled the nun “My name is George and I’m going to a costume party.”

Airplane

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One day a man and a women were sitting beside each other on an
airplane. Now this man kept sneezzing over and over again. But
everytime he would sneeze he would groan or grunt like it was
pleasuring him. The women sitting beside him said, “You poor
man! What’s wrong with you?” The man told the women, that
everytime he sneezed he would have an orgasium. The women felt
so sorry for him, so she asked him what he was taking for it?
The man said, “Black pepper.”

A smart blonde

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Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking
down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A1: The dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth
fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a
smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

3 Priests and the Railroad Ticket Clerk

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There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to
Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter were very, very shapely lass, well
endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new
territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window. “Young lady,” he began, “I would like
three pickets to Pittsburg.” Whereupon he completely lost his composure and
fled.

The second priest approached. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to
Pittsburgh,” he began, “and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.” So,
of course, he also fled.

Then came the third. “Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh,
and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say,” He continued,
“if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates, St.
Finger’s going to shake his peter at you.”

Rules for Cats

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Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run

1. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

2. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it.After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things, This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

3. GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human’s lap. If you can, arrange to have “Friskies Fish n’ Glop” on your breath. For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For the guest who claims, “I love kitties,” be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle. When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, “But you always allow me on the table when company isn’t here.” Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn’t necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

4. WORK: If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering: A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can’t be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled. B. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human’s eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded.

On time

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A woman bought two airplane tickets on Southwestern airline, one for her and one for her six-year-old son. This was his very first plane trip.

They were flying along when the little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mommy, if big elephants have little elephants, and big dogs have little dogs, do big airplanes have little airplanes?”

Not wanting to get into the subject of sex with her son, the woman was at a loss as to what to tell him. So, she simply instructed him to ask one of the stewardesses.

A little later, the boy grabbed hold of a stewardess who was passing by his seat. “Miss,” he said, “If big elephants have little elephants, and big dogs have little dogs, do big airplanes have little airplanes?”

Looking suspiciously at the child’s mother, the stewardess said, “I bet she told you to ask me that, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” the little boy replied. “But do they?”

After giving the question a little thought, the stewardess responded, “No, honey, the big airplanes at Southwestern do not have little airplanes, because we always pull out on time.”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by yisman