What do Bill Gates and Bill Clinton have in common?
They’re both being investigated for their GUI applications.
Author: admin
“Mire doctor”, dice una se�ora.
“Mire doctor”, dice una se�ora. “No se c�mo ponerme en la cama: si me pongo boca abajo, se me suben los pulmones Si me pongo de un lado, se me sube el h�gado. Si me pongo del otro lado se me suben los ri�ones.”
“�Ah! Pues entonces p�ngase boca arriba.”
“�No, porque entonces se me sube mi marido!”
Taking the Plunge
The Swedish Couple were applying for a marriage license. The clerk asked the gentleman his name and he replied, “Yonnie Yohnson”. The clerk said, “You’re Swedish, aren’t you.” The man replied,”Yah”.The clerk asked the lady for her name. She replied, “Olga Olsen”. The clerk said, “Oh, you have a little Swede in you, too. The lady replied, “Yah, Yonnie yust couldn’t vait.”
Call girls problem
Did you hear about the call girl who accidentally made two appointments at the same time?
She managed to squeeze them both in.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Hurt Blonde
“You have to help me, I hurt all over,” said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor. “Be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts,” she cried.
The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“Why, yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor, “You have a broken finger.”
Head Stone
Four brothers got together to figure out what to put on their
mother’s tombstone, for she had just passed away. She had been
married four times–to a banker, a musician, a minister, and an
undertaker. After thinking hard, they came up with this phrase:
One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and
four to go.
Oscar Mayer
Once this guy found a magic lamp. He rubbed it 3 times and a genie came out. She said “I will grant you 3 wishes for releasing me.” First, the guy wished for money. He got it. Next, he wished for a new truck. While he was driving along in his new truck, he heard his favorite jingle. He started singing along to it,”Oh, I wish I were an Occar Mayer Weener, that is what I want to be, for if I were an Osc-” POOF! the guy turned into a hot dog.
your momma is so fat that she walked out the…
your momma is so fat that she walked out the house with heels and came back with slippers
SCA Humor
sca humourThis is for all those who are familiar with the Society for Creative Anachronism. If you don’t know what that means, you’re not alone…Disclaimer: If you are low on humor or feel that you have to defend the rights of fictitious people being made fun of: abort, delete or pay no attention to the following. In short, the following is all in fun and not meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. Please post all personal flames directly to me and not the list. Thank you.Today… Several SCA people were released from a hospital when it was realize brain damage and massive bruising were exceptable terms for being a Squire. While Knights suffered the same ailments, studies show that they just refuse to call it… into their doctors.More Medical News… The feast-ocrat for the up coming event seems to have been found wondering the streets and despondent. Not having ID the police immediately knew who the person was as she kept mumbling the words, ‘I have to cook for 200 hundred people and KFC is not period’.Sports News… Duke O.J. kills his 1,000 opponent. Denying the fact, his Grace stated, ‘If I had killed that many it was because I loved them’.Court News… After a grueling 10 hour debate, the Order of the Pelican decided to elevate Lord Gryphan. With the help of entire Chivalry, 3 mules and a block & tackle, Lord Gryphan was elevated to a height of 10 feet.Also today there has been a new order approved by the reigning King and Queen. The Order of the Winged Slipper. It’s appearance is that of the winged shoes that Greek God Mercury wore. The qualifications of the order are that someone is able to retrieve Taco Bell food in under 10 minutes and sneak to Their Majesty’s without anyone noticing.The Winged Slipper scroll is said to have bright illumination around the edge, which, according to some, overpower the calligraphy. Upon questioning Their Majesties they said that the design was on purpose to encourage members to.. run for the boarder.
Penises are a hobby
For women, penises are a hobby … kinda like fishing …
The small ones you throw back. The good-sized ones you take home for dinner, and The big ones you mount.”
Sexual relations
An elderly couple was sitting together watching television.
During one of the commercials, the husband asked his wife, “Whatever happened to our sexual relations?”
After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, “You know, I don’t know. I don’t even think we got a Christmas card from them last year.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Yo mamma
your mamma is so old when she was told to act her age ,she dropped dead