In the window of an Oregon store:
“Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”
Author: admin
Camoflauge Clothing
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.”It’s in case I get shot. I don’t want you crew members to see blood and freak out.””That’s very sensible, sir.”At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.”Get my brown pants.”
What is Bill’s definition of
What is Bill’s definition of safe sex?
When Hillary is out of town.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
– To escape an oppressive military regime.
A guy is stranded on a desert island, all…
A guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he
sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The
speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets
even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes a
gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a
cigarette?”
“Ten years!”, he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls
out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that
good!”
Then she asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!”
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out
a flask and gives it to him.
He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her
wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some
real fun?”
And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in
there!”
Why did the tree cross the road?
To get it’s roots!
Geriatric Sex
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it.His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time …… and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year….. maybe on your anniversary.The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well how about you and Grandma now?”His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.””What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.”Well,” Grandpa said, “She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to in my bedroom…. And she yells, ‘Fuck You!!!!!’ and I holler back, ‘Fuck You too.’ “
Knock KnockWho’s there?Godunov!Godunov who!Godunov to
Knock KnockWho’s there?Godunov!Godunov who!Godunov to eat!
Yo mamas so fat
yo mamas so fat she went on a bungee jump and went straight to hell
El siguiente examen consiste en
El siguiente examen consiste en cuatro preguntas de aptitud ejecutiva que le dir�n si est� calificado para obtener un puesto como ejecutivo. Lea atentamente la pregunta y sin leer la respuesta, diga en voz alta la respuesta que pens�. Despu�s, comp�rela. Haga esto mismo con cada una de las 4 preguntas. Las respuestas no son dif�ciles. Simplemente debe pensar como un(a) verdadero(a) ejecutivo.
Pregunta 1
�C�mo meter�a una jirafa en un refrigerador (nevera)?
Respuesta correcta:
Abra el refrigerador; meta la jirafa y cierre la puerta.
Esta pregunta verifica si Ud. est� haciendo las cosas simples de una manera complicada.
Pregunta 2
�C�mo meter�a un elefante en un refrigerador?
Respuesta incorrecta:
Abra la nevera; meta el elefante y cierre la nevera.
Respuesta correcta:
Abra el refrigerador; saque la jirafa; meta el elefante y cierre la nevera.
Esta pregunta comprueba su capacidad de evaluar dificultades futuras.
Pregunta 3
El rey Le�n ha convocado a una Asamblea General de Animales. Todos fueron, menos uno. �Cu�l?
Respuesta correcta:
El elefante. �Est� en el refrigerador!
Esta pregunta eval�a su capacidad de razonamiento comprensivo.
Pregunta 4
En la selva hay un r�o lleno de cocodrilos, y Ud. no cuenta con embarcaci�n alguna. �C�mo lo cruzar�a?
Respuesta correcta:
Nadando. �Todos los cocodrilos est�n en la reuni�n del rey Le�n!
Esta pregunta eval�a su agilidad mental.
Calificaci�n para puestos:
4 respuestas correctas = Direcci�n ejecutiva, presidencia.
3 respuestas correctas = Gerencias medias.
2 respuestas correctas = Asistentes, jefaturas.
1 respuesta correcta = Obrero, oficinista.
Ninguna respuesta correcta = Ded�quese a la pesca con red, porque con anzuelo no sacar� nada.
Banana Vibrator
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: What are YOU shaking for? She’s going to eat me!
Diaper
Why does a blonde only change diaper on her baby once a month?
….
Because it says good for up to 20 pounds