Author: admin

Y2K Ballad

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Y2K Ballad

(sing to the tune of ”Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
Of the doom that is our fate.
That started when programmers used
Two digits for a date
Two digits for a date

RAM memory was smaller then;
Hard drives were tiny, too.
”Four digits are extravagant,
So let’s get by with two.
So let’s get by with two.”

”This works through 1999,”
The programmers did say.
”Unless we write new code by then
The data goes away.
The data goes away.”

But management had not a clue;
”It works fine now, you bet!
Rewriting code cost money,
We won’t do it just yet.
We won’t do it just yet.”

Now when 2000 rolls around
It all goes straight to hell,
For zero less then ninety-nine,
As anyone can tell.
As anyone can tell.

The mail won’t bring your pension check;
It won’t be sent to you
When you’re no longer sixty-eight
But minus thirty-two.
But minus thirty-two.

The problems we’re about to face
Are frightening, for sure.
And reading every line of code’s
The only certain cure.
The only certain cure.

[[ key change, the big finish coming]]

There’s not much time, there’s too much code,
And COBOL-coders, few.
When the century is finished,
We may be finished, too.

Golfing Gas

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Two couples went out golfing together. The men hit first from the men’s tee and walked with the ladies to their tee box. The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the process. No one commented.

She addressed the ball again but this time she passed just a little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it and moving it only a short distance. She said, “I wonder why it didn’t go any further?”

One of the men said, “I don’t think you gave it enough gas!”

Takes All Kinds

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A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, “Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault.”Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, “Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put.”Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD’S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, “Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing.”

Un hombre muy bien parecido

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Un hombre muy bien parecido decidi� buscar a la mujer perfecta para que juntos pudieran tener los hijos m�s bellos del mundo.

Despu�s de mucho buscar, conoci� a las tres hermosas hijas de un granjero y pens� que cualquiera de ellas ser�a una buena elecci�n. El granjero, que quer�a casar a sus hijas, accedi� gustoso a que el hombre saliera con ellas.

As� que el tipo sali� con la primera y al d�a siguiente le dijo al granjero: “Mire, su hija es un poquit�n, nada del otro mundo, bizca”.

Al d�a siguiente, el hombre sali� con la segunda hermana y al regresar le dijo al granjero: “Mire, su hija es un poquit�n, nada del otro mundo, coja”.

Finalmente, el tipo sali� con la tercera y al regresar dijo: “�Es perfecta! �Quiero casarme con ella de inmediato!”

Meses m�s tarde naci� un beb�. Cuando el hombre lo vio por primera vez qued� horrorizado: el beb� era el m�s horrible y pat�tico que pueda imaginarse. Deseperado, el tipo corri� a ver al suegro y le pregunt� c�mo pod�a pasar eso con unos padres como ellos.

“Mire”, explic� el granjero, “Ella estaba un poquit�n, nada del otro mundo, embarazada cuando usted la conoci�”.

Redneck Sex Ed

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One day Ma and pa were sitting on the porch, when Pa said to Ma junior’s 21 years old now” It�s about time we teach him about sex”.

Ma said “ya know pa your right”.

So pa said to junior “hey junior come on out to the porch for a second”.

so junior came on out to the porch, Junior says “ya pa whatcha want”.

Pa said “junior it�s about time we teach you about sex”.

Junior said “sex what’s sex”.

Pa turned to ma and told her to take off her clothes, so ma does, and she does a spread eagle right there on the porch.

Pa says to junior “see that hole in ma? watch this”. So pa starts going at it with ma.

In the mean time juniors brother comes out to the porch, he�s 18 and says, “Junior what’s ma and pa doing”.

Junior says “their teaching me about sex”.

Junior�s brother says “sex what’s sex”.

Junior says “see that hole in pa watch this”.Red

Boxing Tattoo’s

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A Huge 300lb. woman walks in to a tattoo shop and asks the artist, “Sir could you do a tattoo of Iron Mike Tyson on this leg?” “And another of Mohammed Ali on this leg?”

“Sure I think I can do that just come on back and have a seat.” A couple hours later the man gets finished up and shows the woman the final product.

The woman takes a look at the tattoo for a while and says, “well sir we have a problem, this doesn�t look like Iron Mike Tyson and this sure as hell doesn�t look like Mohammed Ali.”

The man sits and thinks for a second and says to himself, “man I sure as hell don’t want to get into a fight with this 300lb. woman”…he sits for a little longer and comes up with a solution.

He tells the woman “ok here’s the deal, you go out side and the first person you see I want you to ask them if that tattoo looks like Tyson and if that one looks like Ali.”

So the woman agrees and walks outside to this drunk man walking down the street, she approaches the man pulls up her skirt and asks him, “Sir does this look anything like Iron Mike Tyson to you?”

Takes a drink of his wine and says (in a drunk voice) “naw sure don’t.”

Woman: Well ok now, “does this look anything like Mohammad Ali to you?”

Taking another sip he says nope that sure don’t but you see that one in the middle that looks just like Don King..