It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Author: admin
20,000 leagues
Did you hear about the blonde who couldn’t wait to see 20,000leagues under the sea?He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that therewere so many teams.
Green
Q: If you’ve got a green ball in your left hand, and a green ball in your right hand, what do you have?
A: Kermit the Frog’s undivided attention.
An old Jewish man was once on the subway,…
An old Jewish man was once on the subway, and he sat down next to a younger
man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.
Having never seen a priest before, he asked the man, “Excuse me sir, but
why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?”
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, “I wear this
collar because I am a Father.”
The Jewish man thought a second and responded, “Sir, I am also a Father but
I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?”
The priest thought for a minute and said, “Sir, I am the father for many.”
The Jewish man quickly answered, “I too am the father of many. I have four
sons, four daughters and too many grandchildren to count. But I wear my
collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?”
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted
out, “Sir, I am the father for hundreds and hundreds of people.”
The Jewish man was taken aback and was silent for a long time. As he got
up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said,
“Er… Mister, perhaps, you should wear your pants backwards.”
Natchitoches
Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?
The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg.”
Constant Erection
A guy walked into the doctor’s office wanting a an appointment for some surgery.”Would you like to tell me your problem?” the pretty receptionist asked. “I’ll need the information for the doctor.””It’s rather embarrassing,” the guy stammered. “You see, I have a very large and almost constant erection.””Well, the doctor is very busy today,” the receptionist cooed, “but maybe I can squeeze you in.”
Irishman and Genie w/ Glass of Vodka
One day an Irishman found a bottle. He rubbed it and out came a
genie. The genie said, “I will grant you 2 wishes.”
The Irishman said, “I like Russian vodka. So I guess I’ll take a
glass of that.” POOF! He had a glass of vodka!
To his surprise, once he finished the glass it refilled by
itself, “Wow! It refilled itself!” The genie said, “Of course!
It’s a magic glass. It will never run out of vodka.”
The Irishman exclaimed, “Great! I’ll have another one of these!”
George W. Bush is in Air Force
George W. Bush is in Air Force One on his way to yet another campaign stop.
All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot comes on the radio and says,
�I’m sorry, our first engine has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes.�
Then there’s another bang. Once again, the radio comes on and the pilot says
the same thing except that the second engine shut down and that they’ll be
delayed nearly two hours.
After that, the third engine shuts off and the pilot explains that they will
be delayed 3 hours. George W. Bush turns to Karl Rove and says, �Man, if the
fourth engine shuts off we’ll be up here all day.�
What did they call the first Chinese test…
What did they call the first Chinese test tube baby?
– No Fun Son
Viagra One-Liners
A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription
exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife had a different
opinion: “Oh, $40 a year isn’t too bad.”
The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard
drive.
If you’re depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a
professional. If that doesn’t work, see a doctor!
Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland: a one-hour wait for
a 2-minute ride.
Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: “I’ve been using this
stuff for a week and NOTHING! It’s the worst suppository I’ve
ever used.”
Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may
cause them to spin around and point north.
A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking
for two ‘hardened criminals’. They expect a stiff penalty under
the penal code.
There is an unconfirmed report that a man who overdosed on
Viagra caused the funeral home problems: they couldn’t close his
coffin lid for 3 days.
Have you ever seen a doctor?
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The
man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”
The receptionist asks, “Have you ever seen a doctor?” and the man replies,
“No, just spots.”
Help stamp out and abolish
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!