Author: admin

About a month ago, a man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”

“Well,” answered the priest, “that’s not a sin.”‘

“But I made him agree to pay me 200 Euros for every week he stayed.”

“I admit that wasn’t good, but you did it for a good cause.”

“Oh, thank you, Father; that eases my mind.” He paused for a moment and then said, “I have one more question…”

“What is that, my son?”

“Do I have to tell him the war is over?”

what did the egg say to the boiling water?

give me a minute to get hard, i just got laid yesterday!!!!!

A man walked into an Oakland bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog was wearing an Oakland Raiders jersey and helmet, and was festooned with Raiders pom-poms.The bartender said, “Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You’ll have to leave!”The guy begged him: “Look, I’m desperate. We’re both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!”After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there’s any trouble, the bartender relented and allowed them to stay in the bar and watch the game.The big game began with the Raiders receiving the kickoff. They marched down the field, got stopped at about the 30, and kicked a field goal.With that the dog jumped up on the bar, and began walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.The bartender said, “Wow, that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! What does the dog do when the Raiders score a touchdown?”The owner replied, “I don’t know, I’ve only had him for 4 years.”

I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S EASY, BUT…She’s been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.She’s been laid on more kitchen floors than linoleum.She’s done more screwing than Black and Decker.She’s responsible for more merry men than Robin Hood.She’s turned more tricks than Harry Houdini.She’s been boarded more times than Amtrak.She’s been mounted more often than Trigger.She’s been involved with more animals than Marlin Perkins.She’s entertained more troops than Bob Hope.She’s been at more bedsides than Dr. Kildare.She’s been turned more ways than Rubik’s Cube.She’s spent more time under men than barstools.She’s seen more traffic than the George Washington Bridge.She’s had more turnovers than the International House of Pancakes.She’s been under more sheets than the Ku Klux Klan.She’s had more marines land on her than on Iwo Jima.Her body has been declared a national recreation area.Her diaphragms come with a service contract.She has an IUD with a beeper.She uses industrial strength douche.Her gynecologist entered her in the Grand Canyon look-alike contest.Her underwear is by Rubbermaid.Her pantyhose has a pet door.She was hospitalized for six months when a truck driver mistook her for the Channel Tunnel.

What three words will a Jewish American Princess never hear?

“Attention K-mart shoppers”