- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously
moving from where you left them to where you can’t find them.
Author: admin
A blonde a brunette and a ginger.
There was a blonde a brunette and a ginger stranded on an island with no food or water the only water there was,was the deep blue sea in front of them,after a week the ginger started to feel hungry and knowing the mainland was only 20 miles over the sea she decided to smim.So she swam and only managed to get 5 miles until she got eaten by a shark!
A week went on and the brunette started to feel alone even though the blonde was there she also felt very very thirsty and hungry so she decided to jump in and give it ago but only got 10 miles before she drowned and died.
So this leaves the blonde all alone on a stranded island with no food no water and nobody to talk to,so she thinks what have I got to lose its not as if anybody is counting on me so she jumps in the water she manged to get 15 MILES YES 15 MILES until she got tired and decided to swim back!!
Big butt
Your mama is so fat, her butt looks like two pigs fighting over a slop
bucket.
Something I…
Something I think you could put on a brthday card. or any other
greetings card.
Front Page.
There’s money on the inside,
There’s money on the INSIDE!
THERE’S MONEY ON THE INSIDE!!!
Inside,
There’s a lie on the outside,
There’s a lie on the OUTSIDE!
THERE’S A LIE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!
I’ll Give You A Cookie
One day Johnny and Katie were outside playing in the sand box
when Johnny’s mother called him in for lunch. Katie said Johnny
can i eat over and he said No, she said i’ll give u a cookie
Johnny said OK. Then Johnny got called in 4 a bath. Johnny can I
take a bath with u?
No and once again she said I’ll give u a cookie, OK. Then he was
going to bed when she said Johnny can I sleep over No I’ll give
u a cookie OK. The next morning Johnny woke up in the Emergency
Room and he asked what happened? katie replied ” Your snake spit
at me so I bit it’s head off!”
The Mental Hospital
The mental hospital,
Jim and Mary were both patients in a mental hospital.One day
while they were walking past the swimming pool,jim suddenly
jumped into the deep end of the pool.He sunk to the bottom &
stayed there.Mary promptly jumped in to save him.She swam to the
bottom and pulled jim out.When the medical director became aware
of Mary’s heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged
from the hospital,as he now considered her to be mentally
stable.When he went to tell mary the news he said,”Mary,i have
good news & badnews. The good news is you’re being discharged
because you were able to jump in and save the life of another
patient,i think you’ve regained your senses.”The bad news
is,jim,the patient you saved,hung himself with his bathrobe belt
in the bathroom.Iam so sorry,but he’s dead.”
Mary replied”he didn’t hang himself,i put him to dry.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Daryl!Daryl who?Daryl never
Knock KnockWho’s there?Daryl!Daryl who?Daryl never be another you…!
Matter will be damaged in
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
there once was a man……
Once there was a man who died and went to hell.When he got
there he saw the devil sitting in a corner behind a big desk.He
walked over to him and said
” excuse me. “
” what is it? ” said the devil ” im a very busy man, i dont have
time for this “
” well i just died and…”
” yes,yes i understand just follow me i dont have time to
sentence you properly “
The devil lead the man to three doors and opened the first
one. Inside there was a man chained against a wall and a woman
standind on the other side with a whip, every couple of minutes
the woman would start lashing violently at the man until the man
was half dead. than like magic he would heal and it would start
all over again.
” no i dont want that one ” the man said. And they went to the
next door.
Inside there was, again, a man chained against the wall and
like the other door there was a woman standing on the other side
of the room, but instead of a whip, she had a knife with jagged
spikes sticking out of the blade. every few minutes she would
lunge forward, stick the knife into the mans stomach and twist
it back and forth, than yank his organs out with it and it would
start over again after it healed.
the man gulped and said ” no i dont want that one either “
So the devil lead him to the last door and opened it.
Inside this one there was ,again, a man and a woman, but this
time the man was not chained to the wall. instead he was
sprawled out comfortably on a chair. they were both naked. the
woman was giving him a blow-job.
the man suddenly said ” i want that one! “
so the devil walked up to them tapped the woman on the
shoulder and said ” your excused! “
Turnip
A school teacher asks her class, “What vegetable makes your eyes water?”
Little Johnny replies, “A turnip, miss.”
“No Johnny,” says the teacher, “I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren’t you?”
“No miss,” says Little Johnny, “have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Gorilla removal
This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks.
“Boy,” is the man’s response.
“Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there”, says the service guy.
An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs.
He then gives the man some instructions: “Now, I’m going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls.
When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla’s testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him.”
The man asks, “What do I do with the shotgun?”
The service guy replies, “If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua.”
So Fat
Yo mama’s so fat when she ate a salad the world’s rainforests went extinct.