Author: admin

After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge.

‘All of this was just too wonderful for words’, he said; ‘But what’s the dollar for’?

‘Well’, she said, ‘last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; ‘Screw him. Give him a dollar’. ‘The breakfast was my idea!!’

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned
bunny and an orphaned snake. By surprising coincidence both were blind from
birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell
down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

‘Oh, my,’ said the bunny, ‘I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve
been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also
an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.’

‘It’s quite OK,’ replied the snake. ‘Actually, my story is much the same as
yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell
you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at
least you’ll have that going for you.’

‘Oh, that would be wonderful,’ replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all
over the bunny, and said, ‘Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really
long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that
you must be a bunny rabbit.’

‘Oh, thank you! Thank you,’ cried the bunny in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, ‘Maybe I could feel you all over with my
paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me.’ So the bunny felt the snake
all over, and remarked, ‘Well, you’re scaly and smooth, and you have a forked
tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be either an accountant, or
possibly someone in senior management.’

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an
unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said, “Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.”

“One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my
clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.”

That night, on a meal of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought, “I don’t fu#ken think so!”