Author: admin

Crazy Prayer

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Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people who piss me off.

Also, let me be careful of the toes that I step on today,
as they may be connected to the butt I have to kiss tommorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work,
20% on Monday,
20% on Tuesday,
20% on Wednesday,
20% on Thursday,
and 20% on Friday.

And last of all, help me to remember that
when I’m having a bad day and people are pissing me off,
it takes 42 muscles to frown,
and only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger and tell them to
bite me!

Three whishes

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This guy goes in a bar with some friends hours go by and they end spliting up. Well the guy goes up to the bar to order a drink,he then sees a little man in green. So he goes up to him and grabes him and said “I got you so grant me my three wishes! The little guy says “not till you go in the bath room and blow me.” The man says no way and walks away. Coulple more hours go by and at this point the man is drunk, and he sees the little man agian. So he goes up to him and grabs him agin and says ” ha I got you give me my three whishes.” The lepercon said not till you go in the bath room and blow me. The man bein drunk says o.k to him. So they go in the mens room and the man blows him.After the man starts telling him his whishes and the little man says ” I bet you belive in the tooth fairy too!”

Sherlock Holmes

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down
for the night, Holmes said: “Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what
you see.”
Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars”.
Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”
Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies
and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God
is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it
tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell
you?”
Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent.”

Didn’t make the cut…

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A few children’s books that didn’t make the cut:

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad’s New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8. All Cats Go to Hell
9. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
10. Some Kittens Can Fly
11. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
12. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
13. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
15. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things