Q: How many alt.fan.pratchett readers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Four. One to actually change the bulb, one to write amusing footnotes about it, one to propose to Laura, and a newbie to ask if that’s really THE Terry Or colette or both, and then to realise that the speed of light can’t be measured, except in badgers, or possibly multiple of pi, then to say sod it and ask if anyone knows where to find the lyrics for the hedgehog song…
Author: admin
The Hotel Bill
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the so-called eye.In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out. The clerk presented him with his bill for $1600.”There is a mistake here,” he protested.”I have been here only three days.””Yes,” replied the clerk, “But your wife has been here a month.”
Euthopians
McDonalds sends a load of straws to Euthopia, they send a letter back saying thanx for the leg warmers!!!!!!!!!
Taper off
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.
Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!”
Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, “Take it easy Dear, can’t you see I’m trying to taper off?”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Cierto d�a, un campesino de
Cierto d�a, un campesino de 14 a�os, en la flor de la adolescencia, le dice a su padre:
“Oye pape, tu sabe que yo ya tengo mis pelos y bueno… tengo que probar la lanza poh…”
Y el padre le dice:
“Mira mejo, yo te hu� pasarte la plata para que vayas a la casa de la Rosa” (Casa de Remolienda muy conocida por todos en la zona).
LLega el muchacho all� y toca la puerta, lo sale a atender la Rosa, el le dice:
“Sabe que yo, bueno, yo vengo a utilizar el servicio poh oiga.”
Y la Rosa le pregunta: “�Tienes experiencia?”
“No pero…”
“Mira, te doy un consejo”, le dice la Rosa, “�ndate al bosque y a cada �rbol que le veas un hoyo, cl�vale el instrumento y despu�s de un tiempo vuelves.”
Parte raudo el huaso y cada �rbol con hoyo, �rbol embarazado.
Despu�s de un mes vuelve el huaso a la casa de la Rosa, con una tabla bajo el brazo, y le dice: “ya volv� ya pueh…”
“D�bora, ya ven y atiende al joven.”
Entran a la habitaci�n y D�bora se coloca en posici�n de mesita de centro y el huasito saca su tabla y le manda un costalazo en pleno orto.
La D�bora se da vuelta y le pregunta: “�Que esta� haciendo hue�n?”
“�Estoy viendo que no tenga abejas poh…!”
More random quotes
You don’t sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. –Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese FoodCollaboration, n.: A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the other fellow can spell.The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship. –Robert HeinleinWhom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.An American is a person who isn’t afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops.Graduate life — it’s not just a job, it’s an indenture.Hlade’s Law: If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person — they will find an easier way to do it.There’s no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.Taxes, n.: Of life’s two certainties, the only one for which you can get an extension.Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. –Ambrose Bierce, ‘The Devil’s Dictionary’Teamwork is essential — it allows you to blame someone else.A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money… as well as afterward.
The Flu
A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”
Things Not to Say to Women
Here are some things better left unsaid when you are arguing
with your wife/girlfriend.
Don’t you have some laundry to do or something?
Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off.
You’re just upset because your butt is beginning to spread.
Wait a minute – I get it. What time of the month is it?
Shouldn’t you consult the great Oprah on this one?
Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of B#%$@! flakes this
morning!
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain’t loaded.
Someone really stinks
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?”Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, “Now how do I tell my husband that I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?”The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, “Darling, I’ve a confession to make.”And she says, “So have I, love.”To which he replies, “Don’t tell me, you’ve eaten my socks.”
We have enough youth – how about a fountain…
We have enough youth – how about a fountain of smart?
Expensive Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu: appetizers, lobster, champagne . . . the works. Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid, either.”
Oh Human Sexuality
When it comes to human sexuality, men are like microwave ovens and women are crockpots.