Boy: Mom, some kid at school called me a sissy today.Mom: So what did you do?Boy: I hit him with my purse.–Submitted by TuPac
Author: admin
Southern Hospitality–Airplane Style
Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a plane. One is a Yankee and the
other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, “So
where y’all from?”
The Yankee turned her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replied, “I am
from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition.”
Silence ensues and the flight continues until a few minutes later when the
Southern Belle again turns to the Yankee and asks, “So, where y’all from,
bitch?”
Wife swapping
Two Irishmen in bed together, and Paddy says to Patrick.
“I don’t reckon much to this wifeswapping!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
The Height of All Emotions
Height of Patience:
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.
Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.
Height of Innocence:
A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipple.
Height of Unemployment:
Cobwebs in the hole of the prostitute.
Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the
rest.
Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.
Height of Disgust:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes thru
the paper.
Height of Technology:
Condom with a zip.
Height of Trouble:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his ass itching.
What Do You Call A Monkey In The Lost Desert…
What Do You Call A Monkey In The Lost Desert?
………………..Scewed
Two Canadian Seasons
In Canada we have two Seasons…six months of winter and six months
of poor snowmobiling.
Dwarf Nuns
The Pope goes to visit the Famous Seven Dwarfs, He is finishing his treatise on comparative religions, and Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
“Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?”
“No, Dopey,” responds the Pontiff, “there are not.”
“Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?” Dopey asked.
“No, Dopey,” chuckles the Pope, “there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.”
“Mr. Pope,” Dopey asked pleadingly, “are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?”
“No, Dopey,” the Pope says sadly, “there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.”
Then, softly…in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start chanting…
“Dopey screwed a penguin. Dopey screwed a penguin…”
Llega Isaac muy preocupado a
Llega Isaac muy preocupado a hablar con su padre: “�Oh, badre Abraham, yo estoy muy breocupados borque haberme llegados un requerimientos de la oficina de recaudaci�n de impuestos y no se c�mo bresentarme.”
“Contin�a Isaac…”
“Fui a bedir consejos a mi hermano Jakob y �l haber dichos: T� hermano… ll�vate tu mejor trajes, el rolex de oro, las plumas Mont Blancs; llega en el Mercedez Benz negros y b�rtate como si fueras due�os del mundo.
Luego haber ido con mi hermano Ysrael y �l aconsejar: Querrido hermanos…Tu ll�vate unos pantalones de mezclillas viejitos, playera blanca, ponte el timex m�s jodidos, lleva una plumas bic, llega en besero y b�rtate el mas humildes del mundo.
�Oh, padre, yo no se a cual de los dos he de hacerles caso, si a Jakob o a Ysrael!”
Y Abraham, como todo un patriarca le responde, lleno de sabidur�a:
“Mira querido hijos, yo solamente puedo responderte lo mismos que le dije a tu hermanas Sarita el d�a de su bodas cuando ella bregunt� que deb�a usar la noche de bodas, si un neglig� transparentes o un camis�n de franelas. Lo que le dije fu�: Querrida hija, vayas como vayas… te van a coger.”
Violin joke
Q: Why don’t violists play hide and seek?A: Because no one will look for them.
There’s writing on the white-out.
Q.How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?
A. There’s writing on the white-out.
A tech get drafted!
One of Microsoft Network’s finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.
At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.
The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.
The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.
The end of his finger was blown off — whereupon he yelled toward the target area…
“It’s leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!”
The Facelift
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the result. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonalds for lunch, and asked the order taker the same question, to which the reply was, “Oh you look about 29?”
“I am actually 47.” That made her feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman’s age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the woman thought, “What the hell”, and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, “Ok, You are 47.”
Stunned the woman said, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old man replied, “I was behind you in line at McDonalds!”