there was a man outside reading the newspapper nacked and
suddenly a littel girl walks by,he quickly says to himself “oh
crap what should I do”.He puts the newspapper over himself. The
girl asks what ca hidin’ under there mister .” Ah ah my birdy”
he replies. can i play with him mister. Ah ,no he is sleeping
now.He doses off . He wakes up in the hostpital. channel seven
news comes up to him and says” what happened”? He says” i do not
know ask that littel girl ovetr there. so they did. The girl
says “oh yeah I played with his birdy I brock his neck, smashed
both its eggs and then I lit his nest on fire.
Author: admin
psychic
How does a psychic refer to a blonde?Light reading.
Chinese Proverbs
…Man who run in front of car get tired.
…Man who run behind car get exhausted.
…War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
…Man who tell one too many lightbulb jokes get burned out.
…Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
…Man who sit in tack get point.
…Man who lives in class house should change clothes in basement.
Women’s Issues
Editor’s note: Not to ruin the joke, but it might be a bit offensive, especially to those sensitive to women and violence issues. Thus endeth the Warning.——There was a Women’s Rights Meeting, and all the Women who had been “liberated” previously were planning on getting together and discussing their various successes.An English woman stood up and said, “After our last meeting, I went straight home and told my husband that I was not going to cook for him any more, I am not here just to serve him, and he better start pulling his own weight. After the first day, I could not see any changes, after the second day, still could not see anything, after the third day, he cooked a meal, it was not the best thing I have tasted, but it was a start, and now, 6 months later I am getting gourmet meals all the time.”An American woman stood up, and said, ” After our last meeting, I went straight home, and told my husband that I was not going to iron for him any more, after the first day, I could not see any changes, after the second day, I still could not see anything, after the third day, still nothing, but on the fourth day, he woke up and ironed his own shirt, and now he does all the ironing, his, mine and the kids.”An Australian woman stood up, and said, ” After our last meeting I went home and told my husband that I was not going to cook or iron for him any more, and if he wished to keep me, he better start appreciating me, after the first day, I could not see anything, after the second day, I still could not see anything, after the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye………….”
Monica measures up
How much can Monica Lewinski swallow?
One U.S. Liter (leader)
Black Magic!
An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night.
A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most… “When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions:
Are you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said. . .
“Nah… let the old man dig. I had him buried upside down!”
Yo mama is so hairy
Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
No Pantyhose
There’s this old man in a nursing home and he’s hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, “How about a quickie for twenty bucks?”
She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, “You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks.”
In reply, the nurse says, “If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!”
Piranhas
Prevention Of Cruelty To Piranhas:
A video dealer in England advertised a large discount on his systems to anyone who was brave (?) enough to snatch a coin from an aquarium filled with hungry piranha.
The English equivalent of the SPCA in the United States got into the act and demanded the dealer be sure the customer’s hands were cleaned so as to prevent food poisoning in any piranha that might bite a dirty hand.
Fat Mama
Your mama is so fat she had to wipe her ass wit a mattress!
Johnny and the Bus Driver
Little Johnny was in the school bus on the way to an excursion.
Suddenly, he said, Have you realised that if my Mum was a
Kangaroo and my Dad was a Kangaroo, id be a baby Kangaroo? The
driver said, ‘SHUT UP, KID!’ Then Johnny said, Have you
realised that if my Mum was an Echidna and my Dad was an
Echidna, id be a baby Echidna? The Driver said, If your Mum
was a Builder and your Dad was Ricky Martin, then what would you
be???????!!!!!!!
‘A Bus Driver.’
Quizzical?
if quizzes are quizzical, what are test?
(if you havent figured it out the answer is testical).