Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
To avoid waking up the sleeping pills.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Author: admin
Big Chief No Fart
An Indian chief was having a problem so he went to the tribeal
Witch Doctor and said to him, “Big chief no fart!”
So the Witch doctor gave the chief a herbal mixture and said to
him, “Drink this and come back in two days time.”
Two days later the chief goes back to the Witch Doctor and says
to him, “Big chief still no fart!”
So the Witch doctor sends the chief home with a more powerful
mixture then the one before and says to him, “Drink this and
come back in Three days Time”
Three days later the Chief goes back to the witch doctor rather
upset and says, “Big chief in pain, still no fart!”
The Witch doctor gives him the strongest mixture he can find and
says to the chief, “Drink this and come back in a week”
The next day the big chief’s wife runs in and screams at the
Witch Doctor, “BIG FART NO CHIEF!”
Horses Dancing In A Bar
One day a horse danced in a bar. The bar tender said, “Why are you dancing in a bar?” “Because I ate a lot of hay!”
Medical Miracle
An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six
months together, the woman wasn’t feeling well and she went to
her doctor.
The doctor examined and said, “Congratulations Mrs. Jones,
you’re going to be a mother.”
“Get serious doctor, I’m 80.”
“I know,” said the doctor, “This morning, I would have said it
was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle.”
“I’ll be darned,” she replied and stormed out of the office. She
walked down the hall and around the corner to where the
telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband.
“Hello,” she heard in his familiar halting voice.
She screamed, “You rotten SOB. You got me pregnant!”
There was a pause on the line. Finally, her husband answered,
“Who’s calling please?”
Say That Again
It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of
incredible escapades. Testifying before her own attorney, she projected an image
of sweet innocence, told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite
believable.
When it was time for cross-examination though, the husband’s lawyer arose and
said, “Isn’t it true that on the night of June 12, in a driving rainstorm, you
had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a
careening motorcycle as it raced across a private golf course reaching speeds in
excess of seventy-five miles per hour?”
She turned pale but retained her remarkable self-control and composure.
Her voice was almost serene in its innocence as she asked, “What was that date
again ?”
Brooklyn woman
A Brooklyn woman wishes to get a tatoo and ask the tech to tatoo pictures of Roberto Duran the inner portion of her thigh near her crotch. She also ask that on the other leg, the tech tatoo the picture of Oscar De La Hoya; and adds “when I rub my thighs togetha they can fight over whats in between.” After the tatoo tech finishes his job he ask her for $100 bucks. She looks at the tatoos and says, “this does not look like Duran and that does not look like De La Hoya!” She refuses to pay him. He takes her to small claims court. On the court date, the judge ask to look at the evidence. Because of the tatoos are in such a private area, he calls the woman into his chambers. She shows the judge her tatoos and the judge says, “you know, this does not look anything at all like Duran, and that looks nothing at all like De la Hoya, but the one in the middle is without question, “Don King!”
Question and answer Clinton joke
Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh?A: Some people still believe in David Koresh.
Fancy Plate
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.
After looking over the menu he says, “I’ll just have the eggs benedict.” His order comes a while later and it’s served on a huge fancy chrome plate.
He asks the waiter, “What’s with the fancy plate?”
The waiter replies, “There’s no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!”
Q. When do you care for a man’s company?…
Q. When do you care for a man’s company?
A. When he owns it.
Quiet in Church
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
If fire-fighters fight fires,
If fire-fighters fight fires, what do Freedom Fighters do?
Starting young
A five-year-old is mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer.
The preacher who lives across the street sees the beer and comes over to lecture the kid.
“Aren’t you a little young to be drinking, son?” the preacher asks.
The kid replies, “That’s nothing, I got laid when I was three.”
“What? How did that happen?”
“I don’t remember. I was drunk.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci