A frat boy gets into the back of a cab, and asks the cabbie, “Do you have enough room up there for a Pizza and a six pack of Beer?”The cabbie says, “Sure.”So the frat boy leans forward and throws-up.
Author: admin
Knock KnockWho’s there?Douglas!Douglas who?Douglas is
Knock KnockWho’s there?Douglas!Douglas who?Douglas is broken!
En medio de una tormenta,
En medio de una tormenta, una tortuguita pierde su concha y desesperada va donde su abuela:
“Abuelita, tengo un problema, �me dejas cobijarme de la tormenta en tu concha?”
La abuela se niega rotundamente. La tortuguita parte donde sus hermanos:
“Hermanos m�os, perd� mi concha y estoy en problemas, �me dejan cobijarme de la tormenta en su concha?”
Al igual que la abuela, los hermanos se niegan. Como �ltimo recurso parte donde su madre:
“Madre m�a, �me dejas cobijarme bajo tu concha?”
Con voz materna, la madre responde:
“�Claro, hija m�a!”
MORALEJA:
Cuando tengas problemas, �ndate a la concha de tu madre.
How many Shiites does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to hijack a light bulb, one to commandeer a jet to the Beirut
airport, one to hold press conferences, and one to negotiate with
Israel and the US for the release of fluorescent bulbs held in hostage
around the world!
Pearly Gates
A man dies and goes to heaven.
As he’s standing in line, the pearly gates slam open and a man charges out.
He’s dressed in a scrub suit and a white lab-coat, with a stethoscope around his neck. He knocks over most of the people standing in line in his rush to move through the crowd. The man asked St. Peter, “Who was that?”
St. Peter answered “That’s just God. Sometimes he likes to play doctor.”
Garden of Eden
What did Eve had to admit when she was told by a snake that she was naked? That she got 6 bucks to take it off for a dog. (Dog=god) She was just so ugly.
The Virgin Mary was so hard up that she had to go into a barn to have sex. (And with the Lord Dog).
Dad she is huge.
One day a father and his five year old son went to the bank to cash a check.
There was a few people in front of them waiting for the bank teller. The lady
in front of them was a rather large well dressed business lady.
The kid could not help but notice her size. “Dad looks at her! She is so
huge!”
The father replied, “Be quiet! You must be polite and don’t hurt her
feelings.”
The kid persisted, “But dad she must weigh as much as a truck!”
The father, rather embarrassed, said, “Stop it or I’ll take you outside!”
Just about then the ladies pager goes off … “beep… beep… beep…”
The kid screams “Dad look out! She’s backing up!”
A woman pregnant with triplets
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber
runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies
are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to
operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.
“What’s wrong?” asks the mother. “I was having a wee and this bullet came out.”
replies the daughter. The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened
16 years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I
was having a wee and this bullet came out.” Again the mother tells her not to
worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,” says the mom,
“I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out.” And the boy
says, “No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!”
A Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son’s room and heard his son praying: “God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa.” The father didn’t quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: “God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma.” The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son’s door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: “God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy.” Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor’s early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, “Thank God you’re here — we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Bacon!Bacon who?Bacon a
Knock KnockWho’s there?Bacon!Bacon who?Bacon a cake for your birthday!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Homer!Homer who?Homer-again!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Homer!Homer who?Homer-again!
Ten Dollar Flight
Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said “Ya know Mahtha, Ah’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane”.
Every year Martha would say, “Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs”.
So Stumpy says, “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, if I don’t go this time I may nevah go”.
Martha replies, “Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs”.
So the pilot overhears them and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won’t charge you, but just one word and it’s ten dollars”.
They agree and up they go… the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing… so fair is fair and he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to make you hollar out, but you didn’t!”
And Stumpy replies, “Well, Ah was gonna say something when Mahtha theah fell out… but then, ten dollahs IS ten dollahs!”