From a passenger cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
“Who is it?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I’ve no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts.”
Author: admin
Headline in the paper
HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
How Bombing Works!
We have come to learn that bombing really works. We’ve flown over 2,800
sorties, dropped 15 tons in warheads, and done extremely costly damage. But
we’re a compassionate nation, and when this is all over, we’re going to put the
rocks and dirt back.
Computerised Airliner
The world’s first fully computerised airliner was ready for its
maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the
loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the
steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane
and took their seats.
The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the
airplane taxied toward the runway.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman,” a voice intoned as the
airplane lifted off. “Welcome to the debut of the world’s first
fully computerised airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run
electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go
wrong……..nothing can go wrong……nothing can go
wrong……”
Thomas vs. Diana
What is the diffrence between Thomas the Tank Engine and Princess Diana?
Thomas makes it through tunnels.
Little Johnny Shopping
Little Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said,” Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny said, “No!!”Johnny’s dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, “Can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny said, “No!!”His dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny’s dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!His dad said, “Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?”Johnny asked, ” Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?”Johnny’s dad said, “As a matter of fact, I can!”Johnny said, ” GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!”
Indie
how do you turn indian men off?
press the red dot.
What are you doing?
a mom and dad were havin sex one night and their son walks in and sees them bouncin up and down on each other. He askes what are you doing. Then mom said dad has a lot of fat i have to bounce on him to flatten it down. The kid says well every day when mom goys to the store the next door neighbor comes over and blows it back up
Polish Battle Ship
Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water!
Handicap golf
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read,
“I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?”
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, “No,
you CANNOT play through.” He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, “I can’t
believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that!
Shame on you!”
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and
then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with
a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute
sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four
fingers.
3 Wishes
An American, Australian and Englishman where stranded together on a desert island. After many years together, one day the three men were walking on the beach when they saw an old bottle than had been washed up. Immediatley the American opened the bottle. There was a flash and a loud bang and a Genie appeared. The Genie said” I have been trapped in that bottle for a 1000 years, and as a reward I will give you all one wish”
The American straight away said “I want to go back home to New York”
With a wave of the Genie’s hand, the American disappeared.
The Australian said “Please send me back to my home in Sydney”
“No Problem”, the Genie answered. And the Austrialian disappear.
Suddenly there was a loud crash. Behind the Genie and the Englishman, a giant pink elephant had just fallen out of the sky onto the beach. The elephant picked himself up and looked around. He then looked at the Genie and the Englishman and said apologetically, “Sorry chaps, I appear to be the wrong joke!”
No Charge For The Haircut
A priest walked into a barbershop in Washington, D.C. After he got his
haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, “No charge. I consider
it a service to the Lord.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a
thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his haircut. He then asked
how much it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the
community.”
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank
you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much
it was. The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators waiting
at the door.