I don’t know what’s wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and
the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a
congressman.
Author: admin
The Worst Gold Fours
The Worst Golf Foursome Ever:1 Monica Lewinsky 2 OJ Simpson 3 Ted Kennedy 4 Bill ClintonWhy You Ask?1 Monica Is A Hooker 2 OJ Is A Slicer 3 Ted Kennedy Can’t Drive Over The Water, And 4 Bill Clinton Can’t Remember Which Hole He Played Last!
Clinton’s Fan Mail
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although
when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I
served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body.
God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I’ll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a fox. What’s
more, I want to say this to the American People. Unlike you I HAD a relationship
with that woman!
Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that
charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you
made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a
prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you!
Mayor Marion Barry
Dear Mr. President:
You may have noticed that I’m not jumping on the impeachment bandwagon. This
is a way of showing my gratitude for creating the greatest pick-up line in
years, namely that oral copulation doesn’t constitute sex. Just today I have
already used it successfully four times and it’s not even 10 am yet.
Warm personal regards,
Newt
Dear Mr. President:
Now I’m on the Supreme Court. I’m here for life! And there’s nothing anyone
can do about it!
So there!
Justice Clarence Thomas
Dear Former Worthy Opponent:
Whoo, Boy! All I can say is, Bob Dole would never have gotten himself into
this mess. Not Bob Dole! Not before Viagra, anyway!
Bob Dole
Dear Mr. President: I think it’s terrible what they are doing to you, and I
want you to know that if you need to get away from it all, you’re welcome to
bring Buddy and stay with me on my Wonderland Ranch for as long as you want.
I’ll move the Cub Scout Pack to a tent on the lawn and you can have their room.
Michael Jackson
Dear Bill:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
Jim Bakker
P.S. Jessica sends regards and wants to get together with you sometime.
Dear Bill:
Next time (if there is a next time), don’t let them get you on tape. Big
mistake!!
With sympathy,
Rob Lowe
Dear Bill:
I know things look bad for you now but take it from me – the American public
is very forgiving and one day it will all be just water under the bridge.
Regards,
Senator Edward Kennedy
Dear Bill:
Things were grim for a while, but now it looks like I might actually manage to
marry my darling Camilla, and someday I’ll be King! Funny how life turns out. So
keep a stiff upper lip! (And relax everything else, haha! And they say I don’t
have a sense of humor).
As we British say, keep your pecker up!
H.R.H. Charles Windsor, Prince of Wales
Dear Mr. President,
We invite you to be the cover subject of our next issue.
Editor, Cigar Magazine
Dear Bill:
Congratulations on your election. You are a shining example to us all. Could
you and Hillary join us for dinner next Tuesday? We plan to invite the Nixons
and Agnews as well.
Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan
Dear Mr. President:
You have taken a big load off my mind. For a long time my conscience had been
bothering me but now I can honestly say that I told the truth when I publicly
stated that I had never committed adultery. I am truly sorry that your liaisons
with Ms. Lewinsky have become such a political hot potatoes but you are still my
heroe.
Respectfully,
Senator Dan Quayle.
Dos compadres el d�a despues
Dos compadres el d�a despues de la borrachera, est�n con su resaca. La esposa de uno de ellos les prepara unos chiles bien picosos… un compadre le dice al otro:
“Oiga compadre.”
“S�, �compadre?”
“Se me esta saliendo el moco.”
“�Por el chile compadre?”
“No como cree compadre, por la nariz.”
Couple of intercourse related riddles
1.) How are sex and bungiee jumping related? When the rubber breaks you’r screwed!!! 2.) What has 6 balls and screwes you every week? The Lottery!!!!
Knock-Knock
Knock-Knock
Who’s there
Shamp
Shamp Who?
Oh, you mean shampoo!
Beat up my car
A blonde was walking back to her car when a trucker came up and drew a circle on the ground and said stand in that circle now so the blonde goes and stands in the circle the trucker slashes her tires she is laughing so he breaks her windows in she is laughing even harder so he takes a crobar and just really beats up her car she is cracking up laughing the trucker looks at her and says WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT! the blonde goes I stepped out the circle three times when you were not looking
What would you give. . .
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, ‘I’d give anything to sink this next putt.’ A stranger walks up to him and whispers, ‘Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?’ The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, ‘Okay,’ and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, ‘Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole.’ The same stranger moves to his side and says, ‘Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?’ The golfer shrugs and says, ‘Sure.’ He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, ‘Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?’ The golfer says, ‘Certainly!’ He makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, ‘You know, I’ve really not been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life.’ ‘Nice to meet you,’ says the golfer. ‘My name’s Father O’Malley.’
Work hard and save your
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Bad weather
This old man went to a whorehouse and said to the manager that he wanted something different.
So the manager sent him up to room “69”.
He got in there and this woman named Hurricane Sally stripped him down and began working wonders.
Suddenly she pissed on his stomach, he asked, “What the hell was that?”
She replied, “That is the cooling rain falling all over you.”
She got at it again and farted in his face.
He said, “What the hell was that?”
She then again replied, “That is the warm ocean winds blowing.”
Suddenly the man got up and started to get dressed.
Hurricane Sally said, “Where are you going?”
He said, “Hell, a man can’t fuck with this kind of weather!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Bad Breath
Poof be gone your breath is too strong.
Wait come back you need a tic tac.
Don’t meen to be mean but you need some Listerine,
not a sip not a swallow but the whole fucking bottle.
Knock Knock 44
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Datsun!
Datsun who?
Datsun old joke!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dave!
Dave who?
Dave for Night!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Dawn!
Dawn who?
Dawn leave me out here in the cold!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Deanna!
Deanna who?
Deanna-mals are restless open the cage!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Deduct!
Deduct who?
Donald Deduct!