Q. What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A. Megasoreass
Author: admin
London Bus
A blonde, a red head and a brunette board a double-decker bus to go to London.
There are two seats left on the bottom of the bus and only one seat in the top
of the bus available when they board. They decided to take turns riding in the
top and flipped a coin to see who got the first turn. The blonde won the toss.
A couple of hours later it’s the red head’s turn so she
Walks up the stairs, and sees the blonde sitting there scared half to death.
She’s clutching the seat in front of her so hard that her knuckles are white.
“What’s wrong?” the red head asks. “We’re having’ a grand old time down
below.”
The blonde replies, “Yeah, but you’ve got a Driver.”
Eclipse
An astronomer is on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse
of the sun, which will only be observable there, when he’s captured by
cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he
plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he’s not released,
but the timing has to be just right. So, in he few words of the cannibals’
primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill
him.
The guard’s answer is, “Tradition has it that captives are to be killed
when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture
so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal”.
“Great”, the astronomer replies.
The guard continues, though, “But because everyone’s so excited about it, in
your case we’re going to wait until after the eclipse.”
Early shopping trip.
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early sir”, replied the defendant.
“Well that’s not an crime”, said the judge! “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened”, answered the prisoner.
Please–break my arms
“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a
sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.”
The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?”
“I push them away!”
“I see. And what can I do to help you with this?”
The patient implored, “Please–break my arms!”
Tracks
Tree blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said that they were deer tracks, the second blonde said that they were squirrel tracks, and the third blonde said that they were wolf tracks.
They were still arguing when the train came.
Q: How many GLC
Q: How many GLC workers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Four. One to do it and three to go round putting up posters announcing that the GLC, working for London, is going to change the lightbulb.
Yo momma so ugly
Yo momma so ugly when she was born the doctor said miss. if it move im’a shoot it
Estaban una vez Jes�s reunido
Estaban una vez Jes�s reunido con sus disc�pulos en el cielo discutiendo el problema de las drogas en el mundo. Entonces propone Pedro:
“Vayamos a la Tierra y que cada uno de nosotros traiga una droga diferente, la analizamos y buscamos una soluci�n.”
“Perfecto”, dice Jes�s.
Pues se van los disc�pulos a la Tierra y a las horas llega el primero y toca la puerta del cielo.
“�Quien es?” pregunta Jes�s.
“Soy Juan.”
“�Y qu� traes?”
“Mariguana de Jamaica.”
“Ah, pasa.”
Luego vuelven a tocar la puerta.
“�Quien es?” vuelve a preguntar Jes�s.
“Somos nosotros, Lucas y Marcos.”
“�Y qu� traen?”
“Coca�na de Colombia y Crac de Jap�n.”
“Ah, pasen.”
Una vez m�s tocan a la puerta.
“�Quien es?” pregunta Jes�s.
“Soy Judas.”
“�Y qu� traes?”
“�A los del FBI, hijos de puta, todos contra la pared!”
Yo mamma
1. yo mamma is so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade
2. yo mamma is so old she waited tabels at the last supper
3. yo mamma is like a hockey player she dont change her pads for 3 periods
4. yo mamma is so short u can see her feet on her drivers license.
5. yo mamma is so fat she hollahoops with the rings of saturn.
6. yo mamma is so ugly she put the boogeyman out of buisness.
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die….
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
Anal glaucoma
A man called his boss one morning and said, “I can’t make it to work today. I am sick.”
The boss asked, “What’s wrong?”
The employee replied, “I have anal glaucoma.”
The boss said, “What the hell is that?”
The man replied, “Well, I just can’t see my ass coming in to work.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown