Author: admin

A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week’s liberty.

The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner:
“Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda’s coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Mexicans. We don’t like Mexicans.”

Sure enough, at 8 p.m. on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door. She opened the door to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling black officers.

Her jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, “There must be some mistake!”

“Oh no, madam,” said the first officer, “Captain Martinez doesn’t make mistakes.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

This guy goes into a restaurant and looks over the menu. A few minutes later the waitress comes to the table and asks the guy if he knew what he wanted.

The guy says ‘I’d like a quickie’.

The waitress flushes and says ‘That’s not funny. Now, what would you like to order.’

The guys says, ‘I’d really like a quickie’.

The waitress angrily storms off after this.

Another customer overheard the conversation. He leans over and says to the guy, ‘I think that it’s pronounced quiche…’

Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

You! Off my planet!!

Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.

I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I’m not tense, just incredibly alert.

When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Earth is full. Go home.