Q: What’s another name for the “Intel Inside” sticker they put on Pentiums? A: The warning label.
Author: admin
Stupid Wives
John, Brian, and Martin were sitting on the front porch, drinking a little ‘shine, and talking about their dumb ole’ hillbilly wives.”You know, boys, my wife Judi is SO stupid. She went down to the store ‘tother day and bought an air-conditioner! Hell, boys, we ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”The other two just howl with laughter.Brian the Miniature says, “Hell, that ain’t nothing — my dumbass wife went down to the store and bought herself a washing machine! We ain’t got no runnin’ water!”That one nearly slayed ’em.Martin wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Well, I reckon my bride’s GOT to be the stupidest of the bunch, boys. ‘tother day I was snooping thru her purse to find me a couple dollars to play some poker with. I found six or seven rubbers — hell, she ain’t got no dick!”
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they…
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don’t have balls to scratch.
Who wants what?
When God was creating the human race, he lined up all the males on one side and all the females opposite them.
Then God asked, “Which of your species would like to urinate standing up?”
Well, the males went crazy, screaming and shouting that they wanted to pee standing up.
“Fine,” replied God. “Then THEY get the multiple orgasms.”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
2 black men
two black men are walking down the street 1 says to the other morning like your new sunglasses the other says dont take the piss there my nostrills.
The Doctor’s Office
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, “There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and he charged them $32.00 for the office visit.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
The old man replied, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house. I am married so we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00. The Hilton charges $98.00, we do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor’s office.”
Knock Knock 126
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Max!
Max who?
Max no difference. Open the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Maxine!
Maxine who?
Maxine the wave dude!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Maxwell!
Maxwell who?
Maxwell call later if your not going to answer!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
May!
May who?
Maybe its a friend at the door!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Maya!
Maya who?
Maya best friend?
Metaphysical Downsizing
One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when
suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh, c’mon, I’m sure there’s one buried in
your desk too.) Since he’d heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub
the lamp and make the genie come out. So he rubbed the lamp and — oh, surprise
— out popped a genie.
The genie asked, as genies will, �What is your first wish?� The government
worker thought about it for a second, then replied, �I would like to be rich!�
So the genie granted him his wish, and poof the man was surrounded by piles of
money rivaling the heaps of even Martha Stewart and Bill Gates.
Since the government worker knew the whole wish process, the genie didn’t even
have to ask for number two before he said, �My second wish is to be on an island
with beautiful women surrounding me and obeying my every command!� And poof, he
was there.
Then the government worker — or, as I like to call him, civil servant —
decided on his third wish, �I don’t want to do any work ever again!� and poof —
ubiquitous ironic twist — he was back in his office.
Elephant N rhino
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino?
Hellifiknow.
Clothes Dryer
A household appliance designed to eat socks.
MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE
Lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling
it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she’s using
the ATM ‘thingy.’
In front of a church:…
In front of a church:
“Remember, Detroit is not the only place that the Maker
can recall his product.”