14> Routinely outsmarted by cheese13> Three experts short of an antitrust suit12> Three-time Darwin Award winner11> Keeps her brain in mint condition10> A few planets short of a federation 9> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world 8> Duh! on parade 7> Still cutting with rounded scissors 6> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid 5> At least one Brady short of a Bunch 4> Sharp as a donut 3> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel 2> T minus dumb and counting 1> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide”
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sprinkler
What do you call three Mexicans, a Chinese guy, and 4 black guys?
A sprinkler! (spick,spick,spick,chinkkk,nigga,nigga,nigga,nigga…)
Un tipo fue de cacer�a
Un tipo fue de cacer�a a �frica. De regreso, le cuenta a un amigo:
�Estaba yo vigilando a un ant�lope, cuando, de repente, oigo detr�s de m� el rugido de un le�n �GRRRAAAAAH� y… �Ay, me cagu�!�.
�Con un susto como �se, cualquiera se caga, �no crees?�, dice el amigo.
�No, chico, me cagu� ahora que le hice �GRRRAAAAAH��.
Silicon Valley Monkeys
A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. “The one on the left costs $500,” says the store owner. “Why so much?” asks the customer.
“Because it can program in C,” answers the store owner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, “That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology.”
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. “That one costs $3000,” answers the store owner.
“3000 dollars!!” exclaims the man. “What can that one do?” To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a Consultant.”
Un alem�n, un japon�s y
Un alem�n, un japon�s y un espa�ol discuten para ver cual de sus correspondientes pa�ses est� m�s avanzado. El japon�s dice:
“En mi pa�s naci� un beb� sin brazos, pero cuando ya tuvo la edad, le implantaron dos, y ya ha ganado dos veces el campeonato de nataci�n.”
Salta el alem�n y dice:
“�Eso no es nada! en Alemania naci� un ni�o sin piernas. Cuando se hizo mayor, le implantaron dos piernas y ya es campe�n de 100 m. lisos.”
Entonces el espa�ol dice:
“Pues en Espa�a naci� un ni�o sin cabeza, pero le pusieron un mel�n como cabeza y un bigote, �y ahora ya es presidente!”
Rejected by St Peter
These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates.
St. Peter told the first husband, “I can’t let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.”
Dejected, he turned and walked away.
The next married couple stepped up, and St. Peter told the husband, “Can’t let you in sir. While you were on earth, you allowed money to run your life.
You even married a girl named Penny.”
The guy hung his head, turned and walked away.
The husband of the third couple waiting in line, overheard both conversations and said, “Come on, Fanny, he’s not going to let us in either!
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates.
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a
complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.
St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his
untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. “I’m much too young to die! I’m
only 35!”
St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly
gates, and agreed to check on his case.
After investigating, he told the attorney, “I’m afraid that their is no
mistake my son…
We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you’ve billed to your
clients, and you’re at least 108 years old!”
First Day Out
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he’s
been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex
four times. After it’s over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn’t had sex in
four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
“How’s the food there?” asks the hooker. “Because I’m going in there
tomorrow!”
Un cavern�cola hijo llega a
Un cavern�cola hijo llega a la cueva, le da las calificaciones al cavern�cola padre que las lee detenidamente y al rato dice:
“Mira, que repruebes caza, lo comprendo, porque eres peque�o y todav�a no puedes con la lanza. Que repruebes agricultura te lo paso, porque es un rollo y al principio cuesta trabajo agarrarle la onda. Que repruebes pintura rupestre te lo perdono porque todav�a eres peque�o y no coordinas, pero que REPRUEBES HISTORIA, �NO LA AMUELES, SI APENAS LLEVAMOS DOS P�GINAS!”
Q: How many Pentagon
Q: How many Pentagon procurement officers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Look, for only $87 billion, we can put up this chain of fluorescent satellites that will illuminate the whole planet.
Dalmations
So have you heard about the new movie 64 dalmations?
It was going to be 102 but Al Gore wanted a recount!
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?
Sigue leyendo.
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?
Sigue leyendo.
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?
Sigue leyendo.
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?
Sigue leyendo.
�Sabes c�mo entretener a un idiota?
Sigue leyendo.