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One day, a girl walked up to her mother and looked at her mother’s
hair and sadly said: “Why is some of your hair white mommy?”
The mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turn white.
The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said… “Momma, how come *all* of grandma’s hairs are white?”
A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, “Son, things haven’t been going very well and I’m afraid we’ll have to sell your duck. I’m really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money.”
So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, “Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you’re interested.”
He replies, “I’d sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck.”
“Well,” she says, “maybe we can work something out.”
So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying…..
When they come out, she is breathless and says, “Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I’ll give you back your duck.”
As you might guess, he’s all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again. When they are done she is still amazed at his abilities.
She says to him, “I’ve got this friend who’s husband is a real loser. He hasn’t even been able to get it up in years, let alone satisfy her when he could. I’m gonna send you to her. Just let me call ahead.”
She calls her friend and tells her, “You won’t believe this kid I’m gonna send over to you. He is the best I’ve had in years. He’s just what you need.”
What none of them know is that the woman’s husband is listening in on the other phone.
The kid sets off for the woman’s house and the husband meets him on the road and says, “Look boy, I’ll give you a dollar if you just turn around now and forget all about my wife.”
Not being the brightest kid, he agrees and turns back for home.
His father see’s him coming back down the road and the duck is still under his arm. He knows his boy is dumb, but the instructions were easy!!
He says, “Son, what the hell happened? I told you to go to town and sell the duck!!”
“Dad,” he says, “You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had! First, I got a fuck for the duck, then I got the duck for a fuck then I got a buck to duck a fuck and I still have the fucking duck!!”
A man is talking to the family doctor. “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.”
The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her
hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she
doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until
she answers. Then you’ll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really
is.”
The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, “Honey,
what’s for dinner?” He doesn’t hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
“Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no answer. He repeats this several times,
until he’s standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, “For the eleventh time, I said we’re having MEATLOAF!”
Dos ga�anes del barrio bravo de Tepito, en la Ciudad de M�xico, se encuentran en la calle:
“Chale mi Mai �por qu� vienes todo madreado?”
“Ni te cuento, pinche Portugal, f�jate que ayer, como todas las ma�anas, pos me sal� a ver a quien me chingaba saliendo del cajero �no? En eso que veo un g�erito que se notaba que acababa de sacar una feria en efe, y que le tiro una de mis famosas patadas voladoras y que la esquiva, y que le tiro un madrazo al cuello y que se agacha el muy m�ndigo.”
“Chale Portugal, �pos qu� era karateka el g�ey?”
“��rale, pos yo creo que s�!”
“�Pero y pos por qu� est�s todo madreado?”
“P�rate carnal, luego de esquivar mis golpes, que me agarra del brazo el muy jijo, y que me hace manita de puerco y que me pone una madriza de miedo; yo ni las manitas pod�a poner…”
“Boinas carnal �y luego?”
“Pos que me patea la cara, el cuerpo, �Todo! Y me puso como me ves maestro, y pa� acabarla de chingar, ���que me mete el pito en la boca!!!”
“C�mara Portugal �Ah� te lo hubieras chingado! �Se lo hubieras mordido, g�ey!”
“Chale Mai, no pod�a �sabes por qu�?”
“�Por qu� carnal?”
“�Pos porque era el m�o!”
I’d slap you — but s*** splatters.
Q: My brother explained why Bill Clinton is having so many woes:
A: Bill Clinton has been in the Flowers and weeds!!
humpty dumpty fucked a hore humpty dumpty fell off a wall all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fucked her agian
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.
The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him.
“Yes,” she replied readily.
“Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”
one day a mushroom walks into a bar, the bartender tells him to leave. The mushroom says “why, im a fungi”.
yo mamma like a dominoes pizza, one request and she’s topless.
During the Republican primaries, George W. Bush spent his campaign money at a
rate of $200,000 a day and broke Bob Dole’s record for most money spent on an
entire presidential campaign. He’s spending money so fast; a national
organization of scorned women has made him an honorary ex-wife.
What do you call a dog that hears voices? A Shih-Tzu-Phrenic!