After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.”There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.”Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.”No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.”Your boyfriend then?” he asked.”No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.”Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”
Author: admin
Yo mamma
Yo mammas teeth are so yellow she spits butter
A Kind Lawyer?
One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.”Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.”We don’t have any money for food.”, The poor man replied.”Oh, come along with me then.” “But sir, I have a wife with two children!” “Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.”But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.”Bring them as well!” They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The lawyer replied “No, you don’t understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!”
Knock Knock 62
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Euripedes!
Euripedes who?
Euripedes clothes and I’ll sue you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Europe!
Europe who?
Europe’ning the door too slow, come on!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Europe!
Europe who?
Europe to no good!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Eustace!
Eustace who?
Come Eustace you are!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Eva!
Eva who?
Eva you’re deaf or your doorbell isn’t working!
Crushed doughnut
Diner: Waiter… waiter… this doughnut is crushed!!!
Waiter: Well you said bring me a doughnut and step on it!
Negotiations
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:* I do physical labor* I work at great depths* I work head first* I do not get, weekends off or public holidays* I work in a damp environment* I don’t get paid overtime or shift penalties* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation* I work in high temperatures* My work exposes me to contagious diseasesResponse from the administration:After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:* You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods* You do not always follow the orders of the management team* You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks* You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift* You don’t always observe security measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits* You don’t wait till pension age before retiring* You don’t like working double shifts* You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day’s work* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.
Punishment
Joe dies and arrives in hell.
There he meets the devil and is told that each person is offered several choices of torture that run in 1,000 year cycles.
The devil leads him to room after room of torture, each more horrible than the next.
Finally, they go to a room where a beautiful cheerleader is performing oral sex on a man drinking beer.
Joe says to the devil, �This is more like it.�
The devil replies, �Are you sure? It lasts for 1,000 years.�
Joe insists this is where he�d like to carry out his punishment.
So the devil walks over to the cheerleader and says, �You can go now. I�ve found your replacement.�
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Botched Vasectomy
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic his surgeon comes in and tells him: “Well, I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news for you.””Give me the bad news first, Doc.” says the patient. “I’m afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son.””Oh my god!” the patient cries, breaking into tears.”But the good news”, the doctor adds, “is that we had them biopsied and you’ll be relieved to know that they weren’t malignant.”
Robbery
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.
The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, “meow”, the cop says, “oh, its only a cat”
He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, “woof, woof”.
The cop says, “its only a dog”.
He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, “potato”
An American couple
An American couple has five children. Their names are Rudy, Larry, Johnny,
Adam, and … Ding Kong Wong. They called their fifth child Ding Kong Wong
because the survey said every 5 babies burned to this world, one of them is
Chinese.
three men
one day 3 men walk into a motel and said we what 3 rooms but
there was 1 left so they all had to sleep in the same bed so
the next day they woke up and two of the men said my dick
hurts the other 1 said i had the beat dream i was dreaming i
was pulling to new baesball bats
Gone Fishing
Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. “I dreamed I was on vacation,” one man said fondly. “It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake.”
“I had a great dream too,” said the other. “I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life!”
His companion looked over and exhorted, “You dreamed you had two women, and you didn’t call me?”
“Oh, I did, but when I called, your wife said you’d gone fishing!”