Author: admin

Un apostador empedernido estaba en

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Un apostador empedernido estaba en el hip�dromo cuando vio que un cura entraba al �rea de establos con uno de los propietarios, y bendec�a a uno de los caballos. En la carrera siguiente el caballo lleg� en primer lugar. Intrigado, comenz� a observar que esto se repet�a con frecuencia, as� que decidi� arriesgar todos sus ahorros. Al d�a siguiente sigui� los movimientos del cura y apost� todo al caballo que acababa de visitar.

Lleg� la carrera esperada y el caballo elegido no s�lo no gan�, sino que lleg� en �ltimo lugar, mucho muy lejos de los dem�s. Terriblemente acongojado, el apostador busc� al cura y le rog� que le dijera que es lo que hab�a salido mal.

El sacerdote suspir�, y dijo: “Ah, es una l�stima. Ese es el problema por no saber distinguir entre una bendici�n y una extremaunci�n.”

Animal Sounds

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A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?”

And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, “Bud.”

Who Said That?

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It was the first day of school in marietta, georgia, and a new student named
suzuki, the son of a japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

the teacher said, “let’s begin by reviewing some american history. who said
‘give me liberty, or give me death?'”

she saw a sea of blank faces, except for suzuki, who had his hand up. “patrick
henry, 1775,” he said.

“very good! who said ‘government of the people, by the people, for the people,
shall not perish from the earth'”? again, no response except from suzuki.
“abraham lincoln, 1863.”, said suzuki.

the teacher snapped at the class, “class, you should be ashamed. suzuki, who
is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.” he heard a
loud whisper: “f*** the japs.”

“who said that?” she demanded. suzuki put his hand up. “lee iacocca, 1982.” at
that point, a student in the back said, “i’m gonna puke.”

the teacher glares and asks “all right! now, who said that?” again, suzuki
says, “george bush to the japanese prime minister, 1991.”

now furious, another student yells, “oh yeah? suck this!” suzuki jumps out of
his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: “bill clinton, to monica
lewinsky, 1997!”

now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “you little s***. if you say
anything else, i’ll kill you.” suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice,
“gary condit to chandra levy 2001.”

the teacher fainted. and as the class gathered around the teacher on the
floor, someone said, “oh s***, we’re f*****.”

suzuki said, “the taliban! 2001”

It Only Hurt When…

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A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.

The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation.

The transexual replied, “Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn’t hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn’t hurt too much either….”

“Then you didn’t experience any real physical pain at all then?”

“Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!”

Redneck Birth Control

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After having their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough(they could not afford a larger double wide).

So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Kentucky), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Kentuckian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.” So, the couple drove to Ohio to get a second opinion.

The Ohio physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Kentucky. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . “, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand….

Brooklyn Bridge

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A blonde and a redhead were watching the 6:00 news when a story
came up about a man who was threatening to jump off the Brooklyn
Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead that the man wouldn’t jump
off the bridge and the readhead accepted. Well, sure enough, the
man jumped and so the blonde gave the redhead the 50 bucks. “I
can’t take this, you’re my best friend.” The blonde looked at
her, “Just take it.” she said. “Well, I saw this on the 5;00
news, so I knew he was gonna jump off.” The blonde laughed, “I
did too, but I didn’t think he’d do it again!”

Blonds

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A blond walks in to an electronic store. And points and says, I want that TV there.
He says I am sorry mam we don�t sell to blonds . she comes back with a brown wig on and says I want that tv there he says sorry maam I don�t sell to blonds she walks out .Comes back with a red wig and says I want that tv there the guy says I am sorry maam we don�t sell to blonds �!!!! She took the wig off and threw it on the ground and says how did u know I was blond? That�s not a TV it�s a microwave.