Yours Fun Portal !
Una se�ora tuvo un hijo y le dijo a la enfermera, “Se�ora, puedo ver a mi beb�.”
Le dice la enfermera, “Pero su hijo no tiene piernas.”
“No importa, d�jemelo ver.”
“Pero su hijo no tiene brazos.”
“No importa, d�jemelo ver.”
“Pero su hijo no tiene cuerpo.”
“No importa, d�jemelo ver.”
Entonces se fue la enfermera por el beb� y le trae una oreja a la mam� y la mam� dice, “Mi amor de los corazones.”
Y le dice la enfermera, “H�blele m�s duro que es un poco sordo…”
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful
emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out
a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who
they knew, and so forth.
A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese
samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.
The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate
why he should be head samurai.
The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little
fly.
WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The
emperor says, “That is very impressive!”
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai
opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly.
WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4
pieces! The emperor says, “That is really impressive!”
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and
demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai
thinks, “If it works for the other two…” So the Jewish samurai
walks in, opens a matchbox,and out pops a little fly.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room,
but the fly is still buzzing around.
The emperor says in disappointment, “Why is the fly not dead?”
And the Jewish samurai replies, “If you look closely, you’ll see
that the fly has been circumcised.”
A device for catching zoids.
Collect two solar masses worth and detonate the sun.
Activate each account with a different cartoon character name like Bullwinkle, Barney Rubble, Tasmanian Devil, etc. See if you run out of names before you run out of disks.
Activate the disks one at a time. For each disk you activate, download enough files to fill up the reformatted activation disk. Don’t stop until you have downloaded all data AOL has to offer. Use remaining unactivated disks for backup of downloaded data.
Get 1000 people to all activate all of their disks at the same time. Monitor trade journals to see which disk storage manufacturer gets AOL’s order for new multi-terabyte drive to hold subscriber data base.
Tile your bathroom with your collection. Submit picture of bathroom to GQ (Geek Quarterly) magazine.
Donate disks to charity. Tell IRS that each disk contains $10 worth of software. Use resulting deductions to buy Lichtenstein.
Call the FBI and tell them that these disks are made from refined uranium and homes across the country will begin exploding as soon as they reach critical mass.
Activate all of your disk simultaneously using different ID’s. Making effective use of mail forwarding and distribution lists, bring AOL to a screeching halt by creating, sending, forwarding and reforwarding the following message among the various accounts: “Stop sending these f*****g disks.”
Erase all disks, put new labels on them and resell them as new. Retire at age 43.
Start pyramid scheme with chain letter that tells recipient to mail 1 disk to each of the five people listed in the letter and to send the letter to five more people.
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, “I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”The Preacher spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”
A horse and chicken were playing near a pit when the horse falls
in. The Horse says, “Help, Help, go get the farmer!” The chicken
says, “I’ve got a better idea.” So the chicken goes and gets the
truck and pulls out the horse.
The next day the horse and chicken were playing by the pit and
this time, the chicken falls in and says, “Help, Help go get he
truck!” The horse says, “Now I’ve got a better idea. Grab my
dick and I’ll pull you out.” So the chicken grabs hold of the
horse’s dick and the horse pulls out the chicken.
The moral of the store is if the have a big dick you don’t need
a truck to pick up chicks!
Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, “How do you spell ‘dumb’?”Darla says, “D-u-m-b, dumb.”The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”She says, “Buckwheat is dumb.”The teacher says, “Now spell ‘stupid’.”Darla says, “S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid.”The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”Darla says, “Buckwheat is stupid.”Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, “Buckwheat, spell dictate.”Buckwheat stands and says, “D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate.”The teacher says, “Very good, now use it in a sentence.””I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!”
Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
A: Put him in the front seat.
Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
“On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart would be just below your left breast.”
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.
ONE DAY AN ELEPHANT MET UP WITH A CAMEL.
ASKED THE ELEPHANT,WHY DO YOU CARRY YOUR TIT,S ON YOUR BACK.
THE CAMAL LOOKED AT THE ELEPHANT AND REPLYED.
YOU SHOULD BE THE LAST TO TALK,FOR SOMEONE WITH HIS DICK ON HIS HEAD.
Dain bramaged.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
What do you call a blond who dyes her hair burnette?
Artificial Intelligence!