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It had taken him several months, but the exec had finally persuaded his new
secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have
sex with her that way.
“And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the
wayward husband finally arrived home.
“Down at the office,” he replied, “working like a dog.”
yo momaso ugly when she was born they had to feed her with a sling shot
Three Blondes were walking in the woods.Then one said”Look deer tracks”.The other one said “No those are bear tracks”.The last one said”Those are moose tracks .Then a train hit them.
Q. What is the worst thing about a lung transplant?
A. The first time you cough, it is not your phlegm.
Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a
six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV.
One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang.
He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach
standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw
him across the room, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 4th beer, the doorbell
rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same
six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him
in the stomach, then left.
The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell
rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there.
This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear
as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.
The fourth night Frank didn’t drink at all. The doorbell
rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the
snot out of Frank and left him in a heap on the living room
floor.
The following day, Frank went to see his doctor. He
explained events of the preceding four nights. “What can I
do?” he pleaded. “Not much” the doctor replied. “There’s
just a nasty bug going around “
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator??
A: Why the hell are you shaking? Shes gonna eat me!
One day a guy walks in a bar and asks for five shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, “I found out my brother is gay.”
The same guy, comes in the next day and asks for ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guys says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”
The next day, the same guy comes in and asks for fifteen shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks why.
The guy says, “I found out my other brother is gay.”
The bartender says, “Doesn’t anyone like pussy anymore?”
The guy says, “Yeah, my sister�.
Michael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. “I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming,” he recalled.
“That’s terrible,” said Williams. “How’d you ever get any sleep?”
“At five o’clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out,” replied Irvin.
15> Harvey Ballbuster
14> Gin & Colonic
13> Slow Uncomfortable Spew
12> Scabby Mary
11> Sullen Masturbation on the Beach
10> Wrung-Out Bar Rag on the Rocks with a Twist
9> Bloody Navel
8> Blatant Reference To Sexual Activity
7> The Slutmaker
6> Sloe Comfortable Screw Up Against a Wall in Cancun Next to a Fat Dude Named Ramon Who Keeps Flicking Matches at Some Kids Poking a Dead Rat With a Stick They Found Underneath a ’57 T-bird with a Dead Prostitute in the Trunk
5> Long Island Iced Pee
4> Screaming Hangover
3> Buttery Pimple
2> Elian on the Beach
1> Sex With Your Wife
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And,
folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going
to do something about it.” �George W. Bush, May 14
A blond goes fishing on private property. The owner of the
property sees this and is a bit upset, so he confronts the
blond. Pointing to a sign, the owner points out, “That sign says
‘PRIVATE PROPERTY.’ Can’t you read?!” The blond replies, “But
the top of the sign said PRIVATE, so I didn’t read the rest of
it!”
A grandfather and granddaugher were sitting and talking when the
young girl asked, “Did God make you, Grandpa?”
“Yes, God made me,” the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, “Did God make me
too?”
“Yes, He did,” the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her
grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her
grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last
she spoke up.
“You know, Grandpa,” she said, “God’s doing a lot better job
lately.”