Author: admin

The Top 10 Reasons Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex

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10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.

6. It’s OK when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you ARE someone else.

5. 40 years from now, you’ll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the next morning.

1. You can “do” the whole neighborhood!!!

The Joy of Jogging

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Joys of Jogging1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.2. The only reason I took up jogging was to hear heavy breathing again.3. I joined a health club last year, spending $400 in the process. I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.4. I have to exercise early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing.5. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.6. The advantage to exercising every day is that you die healthier.7. I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them.8. If you are going to take up cross-country skiing, it helps to start with a small country.9. I don’t jog; it makes me spill my milk shake.10. Actually, I don’t exercise at all. If we were meant to touch our toes, we would have them farther up on our body.

skateboard

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There were three guys waiting to get into heaven, they were at
the pearly gates and Saint Peter told them that to get into
heaven, they had to answer one question, which was, ” Have you
been faithful to your wife?”. The first man told him, that yes,
he had been faithful and had never even thought about fooling
around. Saint Peter, gave the man a cadillac and let him in the
pearly gates. The second guy said, that yes he had been
faithful, but he did think about fooling around a couple of
times, Saint Peter gave him a bicycle and let him in the pearly
gates. The third guy stepped up, and hanging his head down, said
that he was unfaithful every chance he got, and was deeply sorry
for it. Saint Peter gave him a skateboard and let him in the
pearly gates.
Then one day, the guy on the skateboard, saw the guy in the
cadillac pulled over by a cloud and just crying his eyes out.
The skateboarder asked him why he was crying, he got the
cadillac and he shouldn’t have anything to cry about. The guy in
the cadillac looked up and said, ” I just saw my wife skateboard
by”!;)

Sacrafice for golf

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Maurie was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a twelve inch putt, his partner asked him what the problem was. “It’s the wife” said Maurie. “As you know, she’s taken up golf, and since she’s been playing, she’s cut my sex down to once a week.” “Well you should think yourself lucky,” said his partner. “She’s cut some of us out altogether!”

Tired Game Warden

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One day two men were fishing, when a Game Warden slipped up on themand asked
to see their fishing licences.One of the men took off running in . So

the warden started chasinghim. He ran after the man up and down the

side of the river, thru the swamp,up the side of a mountain, the man swam across the

river with the warden right behind him . Then he swam back across the river with the warden still right behind him.Finaly after about three miles of chasnig the game warden caught up with the man, bleeding and out of breath the warden asked to see his fishing licence. The man reached in his pocket and pulled out his licence and

handed it to the warden.And the warden asked why did you run? The man just looked at the warden and smiled and said the other guy didn`t have his licence.