Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Exactly five hundred.1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.21 to flame the spell checkers.49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, “Me Too.”6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.9 to quote the “Me Too’s” and happily add, “Me Three!”3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.
Author: admin
Unos amigos fueron a trabajar
Unos amigos fueron a trabajar al campo. Horas despu�s, se pusieron a jugar cartas. La mesa era un trozo de madera grande y las sillas eran trozos de madera m�s chicos. Mientras jugaban estaban tomando chicha (licor chileno). Tras un buen rato estaban bien borrachos y a uno se le ocurri� ir al ba�o:
“Compadre, compadrito, voy y vuelvo.”
“Vaya nom�s compadrito.”
Cuando volvi� se le olvid� subirse el cierre del pantal�n y cuando se sent� el pene qued� encima de la mesa.
“�Lucho, Lucho, hay una culebra en la mesa weon!”
“Qu�date quieto weon.”
“�Me va a morder, me va a morder!”
El otro saca un palo gigante y le manda en plena penca.
“�Lucho, Lucho, p�gale de nuevo que me mordi�!”
Lollipops
An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a
small allotment of money for �behavior modification reinforces.�
Her superior saw the item and asked, �What in heaven�s name is that?�
�Lollipops,� the teacher explained
Easter Shorts
This joke has been removed at the request of several of our readers.Our apologies if you were offended by the previous content here.Have a great Easter! The JokeScene! Staff
Un se�or llega borracho a
Un se�or llega borracho a su casa a las cuatro de la ma�ana, y como no ten�a llave se dirigi� al patio de su casa. De repente ve que el perro de su casa tiene un lorito muerto en la boca, y el tipo dice:
“�Dios m�o!, si es el lorito de la se�ora del lado.”
Al se�or le dio pena y puso al lorito en la jaula de la vecina y se acuesta a dormir. Al otro d�a se despierta y ve que su esposa est� llorando y le pregunta:
“�Amor, por qu� estas llorando?”
Y le dice su esposa:
“Es que se muri� la vecina del lado.”
“C�mo va a ser, si ayer la vi bien y en perfectas condiciones.”
Y le dice la esposa:
“Es que le dio un infarto esta ma�ana. Porque ayer hab�a enterrado al lorito que se le muri� y se le apareci� en la jaula esta ma�ana.”
The Top 13 Surprise Oscar Nominations
13. Best Supporting Performance — (TIE) Catherine Zeta Jones’s bra in “The Mask of Zorro” and Salma Hayek’s bra in “54”
12. Dan Quayle Continuing-Butt-Of-The-Joke Award — Pauly Shore
11. Best Use of a “Beard” — Tom Cruise
10. Best Endorsement of Button-Fly Jeans — Ben Stiller, “There’s Something About Mary”
9. Best Attempt to Convince the Public That *Anyone* Actually Watches MSNBC — “Deep Impact”
8. Excessive Perkiness Most Likely to Cause Diabetes — Meg Ryan
7. Best Exaggerated Use of Abundant Cleavage — Jennifer Love Hewitt
6. Special Texas Chainsaw Massacre Memorial Award for Special Effects — “Saving Private Ryan”
5. Best Ongoing Celebrity Scam — The accountants from Price-Waterhouse are sad to report that they cannot reveal the winner in this category due to an injunction from the Church of Scientology.
4. Most Improved Appearance When Depicted as a Cartoon Insect — Woody Allen
3. Best Performance by a Sharpei — Walter Mathau
2. Most Successful Combination of Male Nightmares in a Movie Title — “Shakespeare in Love”
1. Best Product Placement — America Online in “You’ve Got Mail”
Best Product, um, Placement — Ben Stiller’s goo in “There’s Something About Mary”
[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ] [ The Top 5 List [email protected] http://www.topfive.com]Hell’s Angel With A Jehovah’s Witness
What do you get if you cross a hell’s angel with a Jehovah’s witness?
Someone who knocks on the door and tells you to fuck off!
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
The Case of the Smoked Cigar
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this … fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued… and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested … on 24 counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
Moving Around
You are so poor I was walking to my house and I saw your mom moving a trashcan. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was moving her house because it was to noisey over there.
What’s In a Name?
An actor auditioned for a part in a musical comedy many years ago. The director was impressed with the young man’s talent. He could dance, he could sing, he had perfect comic timing.
The director asked the young man his name.
“Penis van Lesbian,” the man replied proudly.
“Well,” said the director, “we’ll have to change that.”
“Oh,” the young man said, “I could never change my name. It’s my heritage.”
“Well,” said the director, “if you’re not willing to change your name, you’ll never go anywhere in show business.”
The young man left the theater dejectedly.
A couple of years later, the director and the young man happened to meet on the street.
“Do you remember me,” asked the young man?
“Yes, I do,” said the director. “I almost cast you once for a musical comedy. What have you been up to.”
“Well, I finally took your advice,” the young man said. “I changed my name and I have been quite successful in show business ever since.”
“I told you so,” the director replied. “And what name did you choose, Mr. van Lesbian?”
“Dick van Dyke.”
The blonde and her beer bottle
Q-What does the blonde and her beer bottle have in common?
A-They are both empty from the neck up?