A mathematician, a biologist and a physicist are sitting in a street cafe
watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the
street.
First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while
they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”
The biologists: “They have reproduced”.
The mathematician: “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be
empty again.”
Author: admin
Va una viejita en un
Va una viejita en un autom�vil a exceso de velocidad, un polic�a que la ve pasar la sigue hasta detenerla…
El policia le dice: “Se�ora, �me permite sus documentos por favor?”
La se�ora le responde: “Mira, hijo, sal� de emergencia y se me quedaron los documentos.”
“Se�ora, �pero no tiene ning�n documento…?”
“Hijito, te digo que se me qued� todo en casa porque sal� r�pido.”
“Lo siento, se�ora, me va a tener que dar una mordida…”
“Mira, hijito, con mucho gusto lo har�a, pero te digo que dej� todo, hasta la chapa se me qued�…”
Death is life’s way of
Death is life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.
WORK virus
There is a new virus going around called WORK. If you receive any sort of WORK, whether via e-mail, the Internet, or simply handed to you by a colleague, do not open it. Those who have opened WORK have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter WORK via e-mail or are faced with any WORK at all, purge the virus by sending an e-mail to your boss with the words ‘This is too much for me, I’m going out for a soda. This better not be here when I get back.’ Your brain should automatically delete the WORK. If you receive WORK in paper document form, simply lift the document and drag the WORK to your trash can. Send this message to all your friends in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then the WORK virus has already corrupted your life!
Signs You’ll Soon Be Unemployed
You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.
A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss was standing behind you. It’s his wife.
While your boss is at lunch, you sneek in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.
You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.
You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.
Cheap Meat
Q: What’s the cheapest kind of meat?
A: Deer balls. They are under a buck.
God Plays Golf
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green. The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly. Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on a lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”
Why i was doing an utopsy?
Attorney: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of
Mr.Edgington at the Rose Chapel?
Pathologist: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Edgington was dead at the time, is that correct?
Pathologist: No, he was sitting on the table, wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
Give Shoulders
A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”
Where would you go?
There were these three models going by air to a photo shoot, Elle Mcpherson, Cindy Crawford, and Naomi Campbell.
Halfway through the flight the plane had engine trouble, the pilot warned the girls to assume the crash position, just in case they went down.
Elle put on more make-up saying, “They always rescued the beautiful ones first”.
Cindy donned her jewelery claiming, “They would rescue the richest one first”, upon which Naomi, threw off all her clothes, pressing herself against the window saying “You’re both wrong, the first thing they look for is the Black Box”!
Hoover
A married couple had a very bad argument one day, it ended up with the husband going to hospital with the hoover pipe shoved up his bum.
A couple of days later, his wife telephoned the hospital to find out how he was.
The doctor said “He’s picking up.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Music joke
How to buy a stero1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing in time with the music.3. The components should all have black metal finish, and generally look very cool.4. The system should be broken up into as many components as possible. (e.g. pre-amp, pre-pre-amp, pre-menstrual-amp, post-amp, post-menopause-amp, etc.)5. The most important part of a stereo system is the speakers, they should look very cool. Size and number of sub-speakers and varieties of components pointed at the listener is important. (e.g. tweeters, hooters, sub-woofers, super-sub-woofers, seismic noise generators, etc.)6. The system should resemble the cockpit of an F16 or 757 aircraft; the more knobs and dials you can turn, the better.7. The system should have full remote control capability, including over the mobile auto cellular phone so that the stereo can be playing as you get home.8. Should have the capability of playing different music in every room of the house.9. Components should have a cool names; this means no department store brands.10. The complete set-up should put a major recording studio or large radio station to shame. After all, you may be trying to duplicate the exciting feeling of being at a heavy metal concert in a football stadium with 70,000 screaming fans.11. Having state-of-the-art equipment is not enough. You should be a year or two ahead of everyone else. Equipment over the warranty period is obsolete and should be disposed of promptly.12. The most important factor–out of everyone you know who owns stereo equipment, yours should be better.