As it gets older, the differential starts slipping, and the U-joints get worn, causing the drive shaft to go bad.The transmission won’t go into high gear and sometimes has difficulty getting out of low. Overdrive is out of the question!The cylinders get worn and lose compression, making it hard to climb the slightest incline. When it is climbing, the tappets clatter and ping to the point where one wonders if the old bus will make it to the top.The carburetor gets fouled with pollutants and other matter, making it hard to get started in the morning. His gas fumes can kill ya!It is hard to keep the radiator filled because of the leaking hose.His frame has a big bow in the middle too. The thermostat goesout, making it difficult to reach operating temperature. The headlights grow dim, and the battery needs constant recharging.His shifter is stuck in the down position which is the ‘low position’ and ya can’t get any where that way.But if the body looks good, we can keep it washed and polished, giving the impression it can compete with newer models and make one more trip down the primrose lane before the head gasket blows.Gentlemen…start your engines!
Author: admin
Faith
There was a guy walking in the woods one night. As he walked further he
fell off the side of a cliff and just as he fell, he reached and grab a
tree branch.
He thought for sure he was going to die, but he remember learning as a
child: when you’re in trouble call on God.
So he called up to Heaven, “Lord are you up there?”
A few seconds go by and not a word from heaven.
The man calls again, “Lord are you up there?” And again the lord did not
response.
This time the man made a promise to God, “if you are there I will serve
you if you help me.”
The Lord responded and said, “my son do you trust me?”
“Yes,” replied the man.
The Lord ask him again, “my son do you trust me”?
“Yes I do”, replied the man.
God said, “let the branch go.”
A few seconds of silence go by, and the man yelled, “is there anybody else
up there?”
Any change looks terrible at
Any change looks terrible at first.
The Nuns and The Blind man
It was a hot day outside. so the three nuns decided to take off there clothes
and bolt the door to there church.
since there was stain glass windows, nobody could see inside, and the door was
locked.
the nuns were busy doing renovations when a thud thud hit the door.
the shocked nun ran to the door and pulled her clothes up over herself, when
she asked “who is it”?
the reply from behind the door was “it�s the blind man”.
the 3 nuns looked relieved when they heard he was the blind man, no sight no
problem they figured, and let him in.
upon opening the door, in entered a burly man in coveralls and said “holy s***
sister nice tits!! … where do you want your blinds? “
Preparing for Santa…
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however,
there are a few differences between us…
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:
“These toys insured by Smith and Wesson.”
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.
4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen …” when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty.”
5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!”
And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves respond, “I her’d dat!”
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words “Back Off!” The last I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One is Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee on the Tooth Fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a Wonderful Life” will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you’ll see “Boss Hogg Saves Christmas” and “Smokey and the Bandit IV” featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
8. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like “Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer” and Bing Crosby’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played
on all the AM radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be:
Mark Chesnutt’s “Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox,” Cledus T. Judd’s “All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack,” and Hank Williams Jr.’s “If You Don’t Like Bubba Claus, You Can Shove It.”
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus North American Fairies and Elves Local 209
Una mujer est� acostada en
Una mujer est� acostada en su nueva casa cuando repentinamente empieza a vibrar toda la cama y se oye un tren pasar a lo lejos. La mujer llama inmediatamente al casero y le expone que es imposible vivir all�. Defendi�ndose, el arrendador le explica que la estaci�n est� muy lejos, que eso es imposible y que �l no tiene ninguna queja de alg�n inquilino. Pero como los dos insisten en su posici�n, al final el tipo acepta ir a inspeccionar:
“Bueno, esto lo podemos comprobar dentro de cinco minutos cuando pase el Talgo Madrid – Irun”.
“Pues m�tase aqu� conmigo en la cama y ya ver� como vibra”.
Total que est�n los dos mirando al techo. En eso que llega el marido y dice el casero:
“Si le digo que estoy esperando el tren no se lo va a creer, �verdad?”
Unfaithful
An old Jewish couple was sitting around one evening and he says to his wife, “Sarah, we are about to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary, so tell me, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”
She hesitated a while and said, “Yes, 3 times.”
“Three times!? how did it happen?” he asks.
“Well, do you remember right after we were married and we were broke and the bank was going to foreclose on our little house?”
“Yes, that was really a terrible time.”
“Okay, well do you remember when I went to see the banker and the next day he extended our loan?
“It is hard to believe,” he said, “but I guess it really was for us and I can forgive you.”
She continued, “And do you remember years later when you almost died from the heart problem because we couldn’t afford the operation?”
“Of course I remember.”
“Well, then you also remember that right after I went to see the doctor he did your operation at no cost?”
“Yes,” he said, “that shocks me too but I understand you did it because of your love for me and I forgive you.
But tell me, what was the third time?”
She responded, “Do you remember when you ran for Temple president… and needed 23 more votes?”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Startled
How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
Startled.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Una mujer se confiesa:
Una mujer se confiesa:
“Padre, estoy en pecado. Me he tirado al p�rroco de San Miguel”.
“�Qu� barbaridad! Reza trece avemar�as”.
“Tambi�n me he tirado al p�rroco de Santa Ana”.
“�Pero, hija! Reza doce padrenuestros y seis avemar�as”.
“Es que tambi�n me tirado al p�rroco de San Juli�n. �Es que no lo puedo resistir, cuando veo una sotana… Zas, me la tiro!”
“Pues hija, te recuerdo que tu parroquia es �sta”.
Words with ion
sex is a sensation,
caused by a temptation,
were the guy sticks his location,
into the girls distination,
do u understand my explanation? or do u need a demonstration?
Pools
what do you do when your friend has a seizure in your small pool?
through your cloths in the pool.
In spite of all evidence
In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.